😆 Joke thread. (NSFW)

Monkey Tennis
743

My neighbour’s 12 year old daughter asked me round to help her with a broadband problem.

“Mum and Dad are at work,” she explained, “and I’m trying to install this program. But it keeps saying I need to disable my Virgin Security.”

“If your parents are out,” I replied, locking the door, “then you’ve already done that.”

3 Likes
744

Lordy. Was that graffiti in the bog of the Woking Pizza Express?

1 Like
745

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2 Likes
746

“seamore navel”, fnarr fnarr :smile::smile:

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747

And the old Simpsons classic : Seymour Butts.

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748
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749

What you call a scouser wearing body armour?

Kev, la.

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750

:man_facepalming:

751

They have a lot of Vietnamese in Liverpool?

1 Like
752

How do you confuse a scouser?

Send him a message flagged NSFW.

753

“Have you got any Vietnamese neighbours?”

754

I went to the doctor about my loss of hearing. He gave me some drops and told me to put two drops in my beer every day. They haven’t worked at all.

6 Likes
755
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756

It’s a pity John Denver’s dead.

He could fill out my census.

8 Likes
757

haha have you been holding onto that for ten years?

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758

For maximum impact.

No. I was reminded of it this morning TBH.

1 Like
759

I’ve been sent that on a couple of whatsapp groups, and tbh I still don’t get it :smile::smile: The only John Denver song I know is Annie’s Song, and I can’t work out how him getting killed in a plane crash would help the gag. :thinking:

760

You claim to know the song. What’s the opening line?

761

I say “know”, I mean I’ve heard of it :smile::smile:

762