Wow! This is why the innerweb was invented 
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This is the pop song you’ve been writing, right? 
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Not wishing to offend any nationality…
… an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Taiwanese, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turkish, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean all go to a nightclub…
…The doorman stops them and says sorry I cant let you in without a Thai.
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Fuck. Right. Off. 
And I’m not even in your what’s app group!
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Nicked… 
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I’m sure you’d be welcomed 
Likewise
Q: Why did George Best look at buying a house on Merseyside?
A: He heard the area had the biggest liver pool in the world.
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Send me some house prices, I might be interested (asking for a friend.)
What do you call a very plain androgynous person?
Jen Eric.
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Anne Drogynous?
(she’s from Middlesex.)
A guy sat on a towel on a beach.
He had no arms or legs.
Three women walked past and felt sorry for him.
One asked. “you ever had a hug?”
He said “No”, so she hugged him and walked on.
The second one asked,“you ever had a kiss?”
He said “No”, so she kissed him and walked on.
The third one asked, “you ever been fucked?”
He said “No” as his eyes lit up.
She said, “you will be when the tide comes in”.
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Not if his name is ‘Bob’.
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I saw an elf the other day going 123 ,456
Quite amusing and I thought
It’s the little things that count
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Man in bed farts & says 1-0 .
His wife asks “What that?”
Fart Football" he replies “& ive just gone 1-0 up!”
Not to be out done she lets off a rasper “1-1” she cried .
So he bears down hard , farts but follows through ,
“What was that?” asked his wife .
“The half time whistle , Change sides !”
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The missus is very happy about the new boiler. I’ve still got the old one.
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