I pointed out a warning slogan to my girlfriend, “When the fun stops, STOP!!”
“That’s for gambling,” she scowled. “Not premature ejaculation.”
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Premature for who ?
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There’s no such thing anyway. If women can’t keep up, that’s their problem 
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Someone once told me sex should last more than 7 seconds.
I’m not saying my new girlfriend is kinky.
But when I told her my favourite song is “April Showers,” she pissed on my face.
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Because of my socialist principles, I only buy decaffeinated teabags.
Proper tea is theft.
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that is sad
Jackass is doing a UK tour.
It’s called the Antics Roadshow.
Watched a band in my local and could have sworn they were Elbow.
Turns out they were a tribute act called Arse.
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it is still sad
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Just wait for the next one 
Retaliation will be brutal
Wayne Rooney has had a very busy month.
Granuary.
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They said you couldn’t go lower, but I knew you could.
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I’m just warming up 
Or is it Dry Granuary …
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Ouch
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Rough.