When a Welshman says āthis is my fantasyā, he could be talking about his fizzy drinkā¦
3 Likes
Iām not saying Iām effeminate.
But when I asked the barman for a stiff drink, he put powdered viagra into my half of shandy.
Which Pub was that?
asking for a friend
1 Like
The Flaccid Cock.
4 Likes
Simply put a % sign after your age to find out how dead you are.
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I donāt find this funny
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The joke presupposes that youāll live to 100 years old. How fucking old are you?? 
345% I believe
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My only fear is being named āThe Oldest Person in Great Britaināā¦you then know on average, you only have 7 months to go. 
5 Likes
Just been down the allotment and some bastard has covered it in earth.
The plot thickens.
10 Likes
My Geordie mate told me he was really good at flirtingā¦
But when I threw him in the swimming pool, he just sank to the bottom?
5 Likes
People keep asking me what I plan to do next year.
No idea I reply, I donāt have 2020 vision
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A former band member of Arctic Monkeys has moved to Spain selling expensive carpets. Heās just made a sale to the manager of Real Madrid.
I bet it looks good on Zidaneās floor.
3 Likes
1 Like
We have a āBig Brother Is Watching Youā poster in our hallway.
Iām not an Orwell fan, I just spy on my kid sister in the bath.
If a Prince Albert is where a small ring pierces your genitals is a Prince Andrew when your genitals pierce a small ring?
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Whatās the difference between a Prince Albert and a Prince Andrew?
You have to be over 18 to have a Prince Albert.
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He doesnāt know when to stop either does he?!?
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My wife left me because Iām so insecure.
Oh no. Here she is. She only went out for milk.
6 Likes