Maybe they were both.
The old lady grabbed
her umbrella, not realising
it was a pig
Not just any pigâŚ
David Cameronâs favourite piglette!!!
the hairy ears worn
smooth with constant use
flapped gently in the
pungent aroma from Paps
breeze from Corbynâs arse
rigorous clean up operationâŚ
if pap could get
lied and lied again
The terrified piglet squealedâŚ
The Story so farâŚ
[Episode One] â Barryâs Heavenly Excursion.
Once upon a time, Barry shone then died.
On arrival, St Peter, kicked off his sandals and cut his toenails; the clippings he placed (in) Paps arse for pumping.
Freud had (a) field day, where he left his castanets. âWhere are my Les Dennis nipple clips?â choked Buzz Aldrins daughter.
Hanging on the end (of Buzz Aldrinâs daughter), St. Peter tried to find an appropriate category to stick his halo; which was in need, as Halo is special. So says Mrs Halo, whoâs maiden name was Jones, which is lovely.
He found the perfect bed chamber for copulation and placed Halo there. A virgin for sacrifice, (an ancient heavenly custom).
Although well practiced orally, St. Peter was rehearsing for the return of Barry from his judgment; which as expected, he was looking forward to. Biting the pillow along with Halo, was likely.
They were soon joined, to hear Allahâs verdict, burn them in hell one option, purgatory another.
[Episode Two] â Allahâs Judgment: A Tale of Alien Anal Invasion and Profuse Bleeding.
Allah gave a suicide manual with lovely illustrations - called âBlowing The Infidelâ. Barryâs eyes started watering. Then he was howling âWho forgot the lubeâ as he blew his hash cakes, scattering flies and dung to the back porch, then left (to complete his sentence), heading back to Liverpool (the harshest of punishments). Keep your enemies closer then Stab from behind the velvet curtain (euphemism).
In the beginning was a gaping dark hole, which appeared empty but the light at the beginning of time was just Thomas coming down from his massive high. He had used Barry and left him broken - gagging, limping and sobbing. Deep in his cups the tears fell like steel drops from Llanwern, drops of metaphorical gism splattered and burnt the affair into his mind like immigrant Muslims exploiting (the) Horses of Ancient Troy. Riddled with alien diseases like Barryâs slack bumhole, it was presented to the world for probing. Barryâs arse was decimated. Contractile force all gone.
Slack Alice, his sister, looked on in anticipation â her dildo poised, ready to block the backflow. âWhat a whopper!â said St. Peter, looking down from above. âI wish I could explain my twisted reasoning, but it looks lumpy (well smooth it Delilah!), with nasty spiked protrusions that Cromwell used. Place your hand on the dirty, ragged old windsock shaft, and force it thick end first, up and firmly home. Ignore the profuse bleeding, (itâs) only blood, but mop the shit from his sweltering glutes.â
âUse caution if you buy Gumtree goods uncheckedâ, St. Peter wisely instructed, âotherwise your used dildo could be infected with mock shock indignation syndrome, which is highly embarrassing!â
The Devil playfully tortured Sotonians, by sending Barry (with) an envelope containing anthrax masks to every member, (Halo had other ideaâs) but â âhating schoolingâ â fortunately Barry mistakenly sent the dildo (and anthrax masks) to the midget fetish lovers at TSW. (Enjoy, you miserable cunts!)
[Episode Three] â 2500 calories, Texan Spit-Roasting, and a Prosthetic Scrotum:
The sandal wearing lefties could not believe their hand-crafted muesli had only 2500 calories per munch, designed to harm you, but Allah was delighted! But the PC Brigade were no match for Lou Lou my sweet, who, grabbing the dildo, ate too much pasta and was stuffed to capacity, forgetting her guitar and her fingering practice. She still sang until her country glands resonated, emasculating all males hearing. A large queue formed at the Tesco checkout when someone shouted, Lou - no likey no lighty.
As quick as a goat aroused by butter-nut squash, she flicked a finger at God, who asked, âwho, me?â â and flashed him her left testicle, as she flourished it from a hidden pouch within her prosthetic scrotum. Texans loved spit roasting anything and @LouLouMySweet was game for it. Texas Longhorns â they really know how to pretend to be intelligent. See GWB for example. But they elected Trump in his Ivory Tower, taking him to tusk - that back stabbing eurocrat - and Allah is pissed!
Lou wondered why she was coming back to the future so violently. But she yearned for the peace and serenity of nights without sex; just spooning, holding tightly, and never letting go. (Back in the heavenly realms) God was steaming, whilst draining the other vegetables and finishing roasting Bletch before stuffing an apple in Tokes willing mouth, while knocking back Thunderbird, two gearbox oil curdled with natural gas, and oodles of reprobates. (He did much worse in his Old Testament days, to be fair).
Meanwhile Allah was holding a seance in the pub down the road. Del Boy turned to heroin to numb the exquisite excrutiation he felt, after relocating to portsmouth to be nearer to his love (his sister), and proper English education: the approved schools that teach fish-fucking and incest.
*** Latest Update ***
[Episode Four] â Return of the Chicken Bhuna: The Explosive Tale of a Smeared Reputation - and Very Large Tarantulas.
Allahâs seance went badly.
âAnyone there?â He called; wiping shit across Papâs suspiciously brown testicular sack. âAnyone?â âOi, Mohamed, where Is Lord Lucan?â Egg heads will crack one out on Carlton Palmer, [he thought]. No answer was forthcoming. But fatso came fourth behind Bletch, Pap and Thora Hird. Wet bitches. Although how Thora managed to achieve an erection with Barryâs arse in view, is anyoneâs guess?
She wore a blindfold, truth be told, and used a small pump. "Look at the size of this blindfold! [she said]. "I canât swallow you see, Iâm a little tongue tied, and my gag-reflex is ruined after a succession of painful STIs. Now whenever I swallow my nose runs profusely, but I can wipe better than Pap, obviously. A well known dirty nose wiping expert and scrotal sack besmircher extraordinaire, was frottaging Fatso when he dipped too far [and] an explosive chicken bhuna detonated to catastrophic effect!
Other casualties included Allah, whoâs voyerism proved fatal [and] who was liberally covered, veiled even, as he meticulously wiped away the tears of his love and Papâs smear campaign, which was going well - as in spreading rapidly and attracting many flies.
The spiderweb was full, of very large tarantulas. Eight legged freaky scrotum cleaning machines, with venomous intent towards papâs defenceless rather pungent crown jewels. They started quickly across [Papâs legs]. They sniffed, they palpitated - dribbling their pre-digestive venom. Attack! tagknots on sack - spread fangs - and feed!!! 'Fuck, scrote covered in little pieces of sweetcorn and smears of Bovril, but tasted like nutella and smelled of haddock; such a repulsive combination the spiders retreated overwhelmed. Or were they underwhelmed? Maybe they were both.
[Episode Five] has already begunâŚ
The old lady grabbed her umbrella, not realising it was a pig. Not just any pig - but - David Cameronâs favourite piglette!!! The hairy ears worn smooth with constant use, flapped gently in the breeze from Corbynâs arse, as âCall me Daveâ lied and lied again.
The terrified piglet squealedâŚ
Originally posted by @Jack-Schitt
The terrified piglet squealedâŚ
âŚrealising Tories fuck everything
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it was looking to
A blind man sings in Arabic