⚽ Derby County Friendly :derbyfc: v :saints:

It’s only a friendly. No need to get your balls in a twist.

Should I be concerned that since our new centre back has come on, we have conceded 3 goals? :see_no_evil:

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Yes, he’s clearly shit. Well done Les Reed, you cunt!

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Call yourself a fan?

Fuck you. My season is over and I’m proper angry.

Waiting for @Saint-CD’s match report.

I’ll do one later but suffice to say we were shite. Very shite.

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I’ll summarise it

Seems we were shit, and there’s me wearing my new Saints top (arrived today - cheers JD Sports £24) - clearly I jinxed it

:lou_facepalm_2:

That sounds ominous

My new season ticket hasn’t arrived yet, but when it does I’ll be taking it straight back to St Mary’s and handing it back.

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I will be there in my capacity as official Sotonian’s Photographer.

…“Can we have one of you in the car park Lovie…waving your new season ticket OK?”

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Ok bon hommes … are you sitting comfortably ? This is not a spoiler alert but you might need a stiff drink before reading this.

First of all I’d like to mention Leanne in TGI Friday Derby who was the epitome of northern hospitality and ensured that my Gravy Seal multi meat burger was served not only swiftly but with the appropriate cider for the washing down of. Thoroughly deserved her tip and no doubt she will use it to put another ring, bar or such like through another part of her anatomy.

On to the football. Well, what can we say ? They turned up, they put on this year’s new away kit and then they looked like they were ready to check out my recommendation of TGI for tea. Honestly it was fucking embarrassing. The northern monkeys in the home stand were quite right in their observations of “You’re fuckin shit” and, no thanks, we do not want to play you every week because you’ll thoroughly embarrass us every time.

Any positives ? Yes, the new signings all looked great. JV looked like a man mountain and ME looked very handy going forward. SA looked solid in midfield and at least he seemed to know the direction in which we were supposed to be moving and kicked the ball accordingly.

Car Thief looked his old self. Kept us in the game. In reality we should have gone down by more than 3 (I’m not joking)

Some of the fringe players also looked good when they came on. Particular note to Clasie, Gallagher, Reed, Hodge Podge.

So … are you ready for the tear jerkers…

Bertie … whoever thought he should be played at CB needs a session in the panic room with @Map-Of-Tasmania. Some of his back passes to Car Thief were better than some of their shots on goal in the first session. If anyone mentions CB and Bertie in the same sentence again I will personally slap them with a fillet of smoked mackerel. The answer is no. Fucking no alright. When he moved out to full back once JV came on he was suddenly good. Lesson learned Hughesy ? I fucking hope so.

Hoedt. Fucking Hoedt. He is a bit like the Hoedt of last season only shite-er. Sorry people but if I was JV I’d be thinking “who the fuck is this joker”. Bad … oh yeah. If you ever see Wesley close to the half way line and the ball disappears past him, don’t expect him to run back and try to intercept. Just fucking don’t…

Lemina. Nice new hair do but I can report that the Lemina stunt double is back. If I had a quid for every time he gave the ball away or got shoved off the ball (yes you did read that right … shoved off the fucking ball. The man mountain that is Lemina) then I could have paid for mine and Tyke’s ticket. Very poor. The old Lemina has stayed in China for extra sweet and sour with noodles. Sorry people but you’ll have to wait to see him sometime about 2019.

Stephens. Jack has been spending the summer working on a nice tan and reading the Wesley Hoedt manual of defensive tactics. Fucking woeful. He stayed too long on the ball and by the time he realised he wasn’t Ronaldo, the other geezer had nicked it off him. Shite.

Charlie. Way too many pies over the summer. Beard is looking good but the football ? Nah. He looked fucked from minute 1.

OK performances from Redmond, Targett, Gabby, Davo etc but there didn’t seem to be a game plan, team shape or leader on the pitch. It looked like they couldn’t be arsed.

Highlight of the match was when a high ball bounced behind one of the Derby players and he ran round in circles looking for it … “it’s behind yoooooooou”.

T shirt of the day … “With great beard comes great responsibility”

I appreciate it’s just a friendly and there’ll be someone along to say it’ll be ok but if that’s what we’ve got in the locker … oh dear, it’s going to be another bumpy ride this season.

Im sure @SimplySaint will fill in the blanks. I’m off to pour a Ghost Ship.

Your man in Carrotland, at your service.

Saint-CD xxx

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Thanks Seedy - I think!

I think my father has written a rather long piece when the only word needed to describe the team was shit…

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The locals also endeared themselves to a rather obnoxious saints fan that was fondly named as “wanker”. Whenever he went to the loo all you could hear was the derby fans shouting “we want our wanker back”:joy:

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Are you old enough to swear?

Fuck it.

Ahhh…who says age brings wisdom?

Cheers @Simon-says

Well that’s my mind made up, I won’t be purchasing a season ticket this season, not after that pathetic showing.

Isn’t Twat Lampard their manager?

I think you mean @SimplySaint. You been on the red wine Kev ?

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