The Ayatollah has some weird notion about the best topping for crumpets whereas I know what the best is. Unfortunately this is causing some discord.
So gang, what is best on crumpets (yourself is not a valid answer)
Nothing, crumpets are best eaten plain (I’m not counting butter/spread as a topping BTW)
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Butter. Fucking loads of it. Nothing else.
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Butter. Not spread. Butter. Possibly a smidgeon of Marmite if I’m feeling saucy.
Anyone who has ham, paté or cheese on a crumpet is a fucking weirdo.
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Bump
Butter lots of while still hot.
And a decent lumpy Strawberry Jam
Butter is the only answer…
or butter and peanut butter (Pip 'n Nut - almond butter).
One of my earliest culinary memories was my dear old Mum crouching over and open fireplace toasting Crumpets on a Toasting Fork.
Butter, that was the only marinade…lots of it. 
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Ah the days when one could get one’s fag to toast ones crumpets before roasting his buttocks… old school days at Charterhouse we such wonderful crumpet ‘feasts’ for one fags
Fail
I was going to put this in the funny things thread but thought it deserved its rightful thread
obviously this is a crumpet with cheese.
WTF am I looking at Phil?
Or perhaps I already know but don’t want to believe it.
that is a foot I believe weird I know
That saves money on buying anti-ship mats
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Yeah, I got the foot bit.
But I was hoping you might throw some light on the appearance?
That would be some sort of fungal infection foot root
NB it’s not mine 
Well, I’d prescribe Athlete’s Foot for the poor bastard.
If it had been your foot I would have prescribed Pisshead’s Foot.
Fuck me, that turned my stomach. Gross.