Mother in law needs me to re-felt her shed (not a euphemism).
Apparently, āgive it a few weeks and Iāll do it if youāre still aliveā is not an acceptable answer.
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Just use paperclips.
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As I said before - gallows humour is dead
When the old man when on a cruise a month ago, the Ayatollah said have a nice time. When I said where did you put the will, I got a belt.
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My bird has always had a problem with her throat, she doesnāt actually smoke but sheās prone to occasional coughing fits. So when she started hacking in a very crowded Asda last night I remarked āgood girl, thatāll clear the fucking place.ā
I have to say I was disappointed with the reactions of nearby fellow shoppers. Not a hint of appreciation for the humour, in fact a couple of them got quite narky. Miserable cunts, I hope their fingers go through their cheap bog rolls. 
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Now 1140 positive cases. Up 342 in last 24 hours. 21 deaths. Twice the rate of increase Italy had at similar numbers.
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The boys run to Berlin comprises 4 vans & 2 cars taking Lufthansa & consulate staff. They left at 14:30 on a 9 hours trip back to the border with a ābut it is really good moneyā line.
Already 30 minutes behind schedule due to volume of traffic heading to the borders.
Could have been a decent do umentary in there tbhā¦
Rumours now starting. A Polish Pharma product Arechin apparently helps slow down ease the Covid impact company has been locked down to ramp up production.
Supermarket chain Lewiathan rumoured next delivery of fresh meat products to 2 shops in village will be Thursday 19th March.
Airport is carnage with foreigners queueing begging bribing and not getting on flights.
Mrs P_F finally explained why I cant go near tourists until after next week when dentist will see me.
Strange days.
Think we aināt seen nothing yet
More important Mrs P_Fs Airport Security guard managed to sweet talk Duty Free into selling her a 6 pack of Golden Virginia tobacco.
Because as of 5pm tonight all the places that sell it will be shut and had already run out of stocks.
Cobid aināt getting me. Good old 'baccy is way ahead of it
I wonder when the Echo does its monthly how great scousers are article where this will be, was saddened last night really was at the shops, I thought scousers were better than this shit, obviously not.
Just buy what you need, fuck me most of these inbreds canāt cook for shit, what are they going to do with 12 bags of dried pasta shells and 5 12 packs of asdaās own shitroll.
Until today I would have agreed with every word.
But
This virus will be slowed by social distancing.
Staying home gives it no new victims
Until they resurface and then catch it.
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But panic buying doesnāt help. it restricts. The spread of resources are uneven leaving for people who have the virus to look for said resources further and further.
Close shops and online only and via certain hours, elderly and vulnerable first.
But if this gets really bad the doctors will have to make a choice, the young or the elderly.
Thats not scaremongering by the way.
This herd immunity thing is all guesswork. It may work but thatās a huge gamble.
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With the most vulnerable peoples lives.
Expendable.
Hello did somebody call?
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Mind you I am laughing if thereās a sudden flare-up of Killer Flu, Pneumonia or Shinglesā¦Iāve had jab to protect me from all three.
Itās a bit of a broad brush to dismiss it as āall guessworkā 
The chief medical officer surely has plenty of data from previous virus outbreaks and research? Ok, this is a new strain, but weāve had to deal with similar outbreaks before.
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Is he the only one with that data? Why are we the only country going down this route?
I fully expect that tomorrow or Monday/Tuesday we will be abandoning this policy and going down the social distancing/lockdown route.
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