Auditions for the new Ant and Dec

Auditions for the new Ant and Dec


ITV needs a new Ant and Dec. They are responsible for the majority of ITV programming. They need a new Ant and Dec quick.

If, in their desperation, they decide to birth a new Ant and Dec from the fertile womb of Sotonians, which pair of forum funsters would you like to see sending celebrities off to eat kangaroo’s bollocks?


Barry and soggy.


Bit 70s, mate.


But think of the *trees saved by the endless number of pages of back & forth sniping we wouldn’t have to sit through.

*imaginary internet page trees are totally a thing, ok?


It’s actually much worse than that, @krg_ . We’re on the Internet. Our format is screen, and our national grid is mostly fossil fuels, gas or nuclear.

We are burning the condensed remains of dinosaurs, setting alight to gas or smashing nature apart so that we can have our internet beef.

Paper might be an improvement. One night on the piss would snow Barry in with A4.


It’s @fowllyd and @so5-4bw obviously.

Lifelong friends? Check.

Love banter? Check.

Annoying as fuck? Check.


@fowllyd and @so5-4bw would seem an obvious pairing.

They’d get Colin Firth in the jungle quicksmart.


Get out of my head, @saintbletch .

I think @coxford_lou and @bucks would be ideal breakfast television or mid-morning presenters, providing a level of sexual tension not seen since the Owen/Diamond days, or if one may be so brave or presumptive, Vaughn and Van Outen,


Fucking right, you cunt. It would only work on HBO though - ITV don’t like their presenters to say ‘fuck’ or ‘cunt’.


Bletch and Rallyboy. The Blouse Brothers.


I am unemployed still so yes, I am completely up for it.

Though it could cost me a marriage, before its actually happened.


Tokes and New York obviously. Adding an international jet-setness to their overriding ability to take the piss.


@pap and @tokyo-saint :lou_facepalm_2:


They’re already booked up for a Right Said Fred tribute tour.


At the very least our pairing would ensure the end of Simon Cowell’s TV shows.


Tut… obviously Grandee and Pap innit… ‘let’s get ready, let’s get ready to rumble’!


My vote is for @ant and @dexter


Depends on the audience Pap.

For example, on a Friday night, @saintbletch & @cb-saint would be the obvious choice. But not sure you’d want to record their show and put it out during day time TV.

Daytime TV then it would be @btripz @barry-sanchez

It’s would all be in the Sponsorship deals.

Obviously if you got a Rum Sponsor then @undefined gets game time.

So in order to commit to this we need more detail? Target Market is essential


Yeah yeah yeah we know all the aspiring thesps on Sotonians but realistically it has to be Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross. Their capacity to fuck up makes it nailed-on car crash TV.