Ahh, but I have been calling you Koala Boy, Koala Boy.
And as we know such name vandalism is tantamount to a Bletch hug - if ones and zeroes can be fashioned into a hug, that is.
I’m not sure if a Bletch Hug is the next best thing, or even the 57th next best thing to Louise’s approbation, but I offer it nonetheless.
Ooooh, hark at you!
Just because I’ve found a new forum soul-mate, no need to go all prickly on me, Bletch 
x
I had imagined Ohio as many things.
But Hugh Grant? nope never saw that one coming.
I think this place could be fun, perhaps someone should do some detective work and find Master Bates for some proper PM’s
Hmmm, maybe I have to further stress that I only come over Hugh Grant (Nah, I’m not gonna fix that ineuendo) accidently, badly, and on certain occasions.The rest of the time I am a mish-mash of different approaches, always dependant on who I am talking to. It’s not a deliberate thing and I can’t seem to control it.
It’s clearly your inner Hugh, the id that you can’t ever entirely control. Having typed that, I now have a brilliant idea for a remake of Forbidden Planet, with the monster from the id being played (as himself) by Hugh Grant. I think it has legs.
Susan Boyle has legs too, but I don’t think we should think about them, look at them, or even explore any region in between them.
Thought it was time to write a few who’s whos, and perhaps mitigate some of the libellous damage that our dysfunctional butler has been spinning.
madpurplecow was greeted with a barrage of questions by bletch concerning her gender. I can confirm that the username took full account of gender, and that madpurplecow is a mad cow instead of a mad bull. Doesn’t sound like much of a distinction, but any matador will be able to enumerate the differences, some more painfully than others. She is an old school friend and is also connected to other people on the site, either through friendship or blood relations (yes, we have more than two families on the site). Mad Purple Cow is the sort of mad cow that, despite being perfectly qualified, keeps on going for more qualifications. The theory is that by time she reaches the end of her life, she will hold all human knowledge, plus be a backup for other species (such as hamsters and squirrels, etc). We hope that the end of the academic year will allow her to spend more time with us.
Inquitas is famously the last friend I made that I reckon would answer a 3am “everything is fucked” call. We’ve been friends for around 20 years now, which is scary, because I sometimes consider him a noob. Iniquitas had the misfortune of living in the room next door to me while I was:-
Frankly, we still don’t know what psychological damage refracted through the walls of that Milton Road abode. I fully expect to see Iniquitas, broken down and crying on the stairs at a future party of mine, as the full horror of that experience slowly dawns on him.
Big Stu Big Stu was my replacement in the house that we all lived in after I left to return to Liverpool. Everyone, and I mean everyone, thought Big Stu was a definite upgrade on my sorry housemate arse. Big Stu, despite what he may tell you, did not get his name from getting his wanger out with a measuring tape. He is simply tall, and befitting of most tall people, is extremely smug about it and therefore very laid back. We’ve never had a cross word, and believe me, with me, that’s quite the feat.
Dubai Phil
Most will already know the legend of Dubai Phil. He went to Dubai. His name is Phil. He still lives there. Phil frequently rubs shoulders with the rich and famous. How do we know? He won’t fucking shut up about it, that’s how. Still, the presence of someone with such connections is great for sotonians.com. Perhaps he can use his celebrity connection to sign up Hollywood A-Listers. Perhaps Angelina Jolie will someday sign up and start a thread called “Brad Pitt did a shit”. Perhaps. And it’ll all be down to Phil.
Somewhat more seriously, I’ve always enjoyed Phil’s input on current affairs threads; the Dubai perspective means that most of the time, he’s got insight to share that your typical propagandised Brit just don’t.
lifeintheslowlane Famous over at TSW for knowing his onions about music, we welcome lifeintheslowlane over at Sotonians.com. Gotta say, I did not have as many dealings with him over at TSW than I did perhaps with some others, but our muso-focused posters are thrilled.
CB Saint
Forever resting in my head as “he’s not CB Fry!”, CB arrived on Sotonians with a bang, claiming that his post-Sotonians experience over at TSW was like turning up at the wrong pub. He’ll rest in my head for that now!
Redslo
Famous #saintsfc blogger that burst onto the scene in the last couple of years. Responsible for a lot of thought through and considered blog posts, and popularising the Diablo-like Marvel Heroes on here. Very lucky to have his attention. We need people that like football and things 
Pjhooper Another old school mate. Pjhooper was a couple of years younger than us, and was deluded enough in his teenage years to actually think we were cool. In our defence, we weren’t the sort of people to go around flushing first years’ heads down the bogs. Any port in a storm, I guess. Lives abroad now.
Crikey. Is Susan Boyle another manifestation of your id? In your id, does Susan sing in the style of Hugh, or does Hugh speak in the style of Susan? Or is it both? Or neither? I think your id poses a grave danger to humanity.
PS no offence intended, though I’m not entirely certain that an id can be offended.
Very good read and feels like it ended far to soon.
Where is my tribute / beginners guide FFS? You early adopters are so inward looking.
You should be happy… I’m not there and I signed up in May, I think it is best. 
Not so much as a passing reference of me either. Who originally suggested The Rockstone for matchday drinks, eh? 
Bucks
Likes a tipple. Whine lover.
Sfcsim
Whine will he be famous? (I can’t answer, I can’t answer that)
ant
Fog on the Tyne is all whine, all whine.
(I will of course, think of something better in due course - but we couldn’t have nothing for you)
mmmmmmm wine! Thats better! 
Sfcsim
Went to school with pap and intiniki. A contradiction, Sfcsim has the forum personality of a naturally friendly spaniel on MDMA, but is a miserable bastard if you watch Saints lose 2-0 to Rochdale. Actually, fuck the loss. Kev was miserable before the game. I’ve no paperwork to back this up, but I think he may have caused the loss! Bastard!
Sfcsim has lived a semi-nomadic lifestyle, but has recently moved to Cumbria after he was kicked out of Royston Vasey for being too weird. He now runs two businesses in the area; a cheesecake emporium and a premium-rate cheesecake addiction helpline.
And to think, people laughed at him when he told them crack cocaine was the secret ingredient.
I think I’d like an addenda to my previous entry.
As a student of analytical DNA Lifeintheslowlane** **knows everyone and is in fact related to everyone in Southampton. Born in Victoria House, Southampton Western Hospital his DNA, through early body secretions formed part of the fabric of the rebuilt hospital.
Bucks
Bucks is one of our resident Tories, and one of the first responders on the SaintsWeb/Sotonians drinking sessions. Bucks remains suspiciously undecorated on the individual badge front, and while some boxed-in closed-minded fuckers may like to think it’s just me being my shiftless self on Sotonians development matters, I would invite you to consider the possibility that I am deliberately withholding the badge because he is a Tory. I’m not, but I’d like you to take it seriously so I can laugh about it when I get off my lazy arse and dole one out.
Apart from Bucks’ regular disagreements with me on matters political, Bucks is still smarting from an XBox One purchase a couple of years ago. There was a time when the daily PMs of comfort from Nolan _worked. _Those days are over, and the worry amongst the Sotonians gaming community is that Bucks may have painted himself into a corner. Let me be the first to assure Bucks that if he does plump for a PS4 in the near future, I will be happy to have him as a PSN buddy (largely so I can scream “waaaaah! I told you so!” down his ear to put him off during PES).
Bucks was once arrested on charges of glue-sniffing, but it never stuck.
ant
…is a designer, which means that he gets to spend a good deal of his professional life having unqualified gimps tell him his work is crap because _they _happen to suffer from terrible personal taste. Scientists have theorised that this is one of several “desperation factors” that led to his Sotonians sign-up.
A man about to embark on his thirties, ant is realising that there is more to life than endless hedonism, highly charged shagging and constant partying. The bastard hasn’t seen fit to inform us, though - so the rest of us march on in blindness.
ant is one of our trio of “young posters that actually post”, and as such, will be up for the Young Poster of the Year award, a position he covets. Rumour has it that he has spent his own money on spoiling campaigns in both Edinburgh and London, wrecking the respective chances of Super Michael and KRG through negative briefing.
What counts as young on this forum? Asking for a friend.
My arguement would be, I was in fucking Rochdale and parked my car in a residential area, which I can only explain as like those areas on The Bill ITV program from the 90’s/00’s. I can honestly say I did not expect to see that car again. On the plus side it was just over the road from the ground. Did I say on the down side I was in Rochdale… oh yes
That would eat into my profit, but not a bad idea!