🦏 A nice animal

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Every morning I get up and look in the mirror…wouldn’t you know it, the little fuckers have been partying all night like @Polski_Filip and are sleeping it off when they should be up and tucking into all the dead skin that’s piled-up in every crease in my raddled face.

Cunts.

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Dirty little bastards. Mind you, at least something is getting a shag.

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Ok. It was WORK.
Even better it was someone else’s expense account!
I am broken though

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I’m not the only one hanging with Tiger

KOMODO DRAGON

Now this is one spunky, angry animal. They currently live on some islands between Australia and Singapore, but in the future they will live wherever they fucking want. Let me tell you why.

These things are huge, easily 3 metres long and weigh up to 10 stone. They are Jurassic Park in real life.

They can run. You would think that a creature of this size would waddle along but nah, the Komodo sprints at the same speed as a human does. You think you can intimidate one? Don’t try it. If intimidated they will puke up, not because they are scared of you but to make themselves lighter; so that they can chase you faster.

They are carnivores and they hunt. When hungry they gang up and search for food. Wild pigs, deer, sheep, humans, whatever. How do they kill? They go fucking nuts. They will rip out your throat, break you with their tails, headbutt you and even knife you. They have no mercy. If you escape well done, you won! Trouble is though their bites are venomous, hard luck you lost. And they will bite you.

How do they eat? They rip the carcass to shreds and eat as big a mouthful as possible. If it’s small enough to them, just the size of a lamb, they will down it in one. Unhinge their jaw? No problem.

What if food is a bit scarce? Again, no problem. They will meet up and hunt. But not share the spoils. They will fight to the death amongst themselves to see who deserves the food. If you lose you get eaten. They don’t fuck about.

Will they take over the world? Not yet. But they are hatching plans.

Rating: Biblical 10/10

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You are spot on, they really are scary. I watched a nature documentary about these bastards a little while ago. Two of them caught a large buffalo, and after taking it down proceeded to eat it, starting at the arse and genitals. Five minutes later the poor fucker was still bellowing and struggling to get up as they chomped their way up it’s body. It was horrible to watch to be fair, but strangely compelling. The stuff of nightmares.

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I have found Bertie the bug suffering offshore in the South China Sea

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Fook it’s s flying bellend!

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What has it done to your hand?

I wasn’t going to pick that thing up with out a glove on I can tell you.

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Today’s I never thought about that when moving tale.

Just coming in to the “take a bag with you when walking in the woods” season.
Came across a few of these yesterday, apparently this area is the perfect habitat.
Collect a dozen, feed them Parsley leaves for a week then the whole Garlic, Butter & Parsley routine.
#notconvinced but hey, free food

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I could use that as a pipe wrench for the hard to get places :slight_smile:

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https://twitter.com/Naturesdiy/status/1125300053126463488

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The monkfish. This is a particularly large example, but even smaller ones look pretty fucking terrifying. In spite of its appearance though, it doesn’t so much hunt as lie in wait - tempting prey using a flap of skin that looks like a prawn. Any smaller fish attempting to catch said ‘prawn’ soon finds itself in that massive mouth full of nasty sharp teeth. Nice.

Until relatively recently, you couldn’t buy monkfish in any fishmongers in this country, its appearance considered too gruesome to display on any stall. Consequently, it could be bought very cheaply, and unscrupulous restaurants would buy monkfish, chop it and breadcrumb it, then sell it as scampi - a pricey item back then. Now, of course, you’ll pay at least as much for monkfish as you would for scampi, so the practice has vanished.

I roasted a couple of monkfish fillets this evening. Fucking nice they were too.

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Point of order, their bite isn’t actually venomous, it’s just that the dirty bastards have poor oral hygiene and don’t brush their teeth. Consequently all sorts of nasty bacteria live in their mouths. When they bite you they, lovingly, pass these bacteria on to you.

They are kind sharing souls really, just need to visit a dentist a bit more.

Sounds like a few women I went out with in the '70s. :lou_facepalm_2:

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https://twitter.com/minouye271/status/1160908705535184897?s=20

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