This may not work on this forum. But it would be nice to pay some respect to the nice animals that we share this planet with. I will kick things off with the RHINOCEROS.
Couple of facts: These creatures are huge. Slightly bigger than a Nissan Juke. Easily 15 foot long and 6 foot high. They are fat, very fat. They weigh 300 – 400 stone. They have horns which are spiked with poison and kill for fun.
Habitat: Africa and Asia. These magnificent creatures can be found wandering anywhere from the wild Savannah of Tanzania to downtown Delhi. It is not unusual to see them herding in the Himalayas.
Food: Mostly Vegetarian. They prefer to eat small trees and shrubs but on occasion will hunt for meat. On occasion small children have been taken.
Defence: The Rhinoceros is a naturally curious and very sexual creature. They mean no harm and will sleep with you if allowed.
Attack: Will rip your fucking arm off if annoyed. Same as a Badger would.
Ah yes, the baby mole and 3/10 is a worthy score for that scrote. But Moles are quite interesting actually.
Couple of facts: An adult Mole can dig more than 100 cubic metres an hour when breeding. They wear dark glasses underground to look cool. They are still pissed off that the Meerkat won the Go Compare advertising campaign.
Habitat: UK.
Food: Carnivore. Livestock mostly.
Defence: Ninja. Cannot be seen in the dark.
Attack: Will rip your fucking arm off if annoyed. Same as a Badger would.
The FishermanFish or to give its its latin name Anglersar uglibastardos - a fully fledged evil twat of a fish that eats itself like tHE pink panther getting sucked up by its vacuum cleaner in the 70s cartoons
The humble bed bug is a crafty little fucker. It will feed on your blood but can survive for up to a year without feeding.
They live in most regions of the world and are a bitch to see off.
Their breeding habits are particularly unpleasant (for the females anyway) as the males will traumatically inseminate their hapless partners, piercing the females abdomen with their javelin like cocks and filling the body cavity with bug love gravy.
Right little shitbags.
Are those Bed Bugs the type that can live for a year witout their head?
I’ve heard from a friend who works at Porton Down they are now breeding a preditory sub-species that will crawl up an Isis terrorist’s penis and eat their testicles. The ability to continue their preitory onslaught without a head is an obvious advantage when dealing with head-choppers.
