Worst ever jobs you have had

My first ever was my worst ever.

I had a horrible manager that in hindsight, I realise was absolutely out of her depth. And she hated me.

This was at the recently robbed Tesco Express, although it was called Happy Shopper when I worked there. I fucking hated it, and dreaded every Friday night, because I had work the next morning, and my boss was a nightmare.

This is how little she thought of me. One day, I’m returning from a break and she asks “Paul, did you take this?”

She’s got a glossy bit of paper in her hands. Someone has clearly used one of these new fangled inkjet printer to make their own low-res £20 note. There is no watermark. There is no sliver of metal running through the fibre. It’s shiny, FFS. And besides, it lit up like a Christmas tree under the UV scanner when I later checked.

In a rare moment of defiance, I asked her if she was joking. Dippy Kevin, one of her faves, took the note. I ended up at ASDA Southampton, permanently amazed that people weren’t being overbearing micromanaging twats the whole time.

In my former manager’s defence, she steeled me for the world of work. I reckon I made a bad first impression she never got over. Never made that mistake again.

A fluffer for bestiality porn films…so a friend told me.

I am the ‘friend’ and I can confirm that Cob was indeed a fluffer for bestiality porn films … however I do recollect him stating that it was his best ever job

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Best heifer job.


Can’t even respond with anything vaguely amusing to that…lol


:lou_facepalm_2: not really sure if that should be upvoted or downvoted but I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt


To be fair, Steve was always there to lift a tail or squirt some lube to get the money shot, no matter how many shots it took. A real pro. I didn’t realise it took 20+ takes a day to get it right, but Steve knew best, or so he said

That’s actually quite run of the mill for this place.

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@pap There is a thread worst ever employer /work practices. Should they be amalgamated?



I’m saving the real worst job for the who’s pished on a Friday night thread


Apologies for derailing your undoubtedly worthy thread


Possibly. Or I could close this one with the appropriate level of shame.

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Or just rename this thread ‘Sotonians position (fnar fnar) on bestiality’.

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I’m going to sleep on it.

I’ve got a test session in the morning. Damn these nine hour days.


Fair enough Stalin

Come the revolution though…

Tokes, Bearsy, your move…

Worked at the Kiplings factory in Eastleigh one summer when I was a student. Still have nightmares of the Fondant Fancy line and packing endless fucking boxes, clocking in at 8am, hair nets That sickly sweet smell … The horror :slight_frown: Probably as bad as being in Vietnam or Afghanistan.

I remember working in an Ice Cream Parlour. It wasn’t a bad job…all the Ice Cream you could eat but I also had the job of cleaning the toilets.

No problem with the regular customers but we were located near a botanic garden and childrens playground. There were always a steady stream of desperate middle-aged fuckwits dashing into the parlour with that desperate, haunted look of someone who was about to deposit the contents of their bowels on our pristine tiled floor.

They came in looked around excitedly and disappeared into the loo…ran all the taps in an effort to cover the terrible animal noises whilst they unloaded the contents of their stretched to bursting guts. The only saving grace was look on their faces as they pondered the moral dilemma of whether they should buy something or simply walk out.

If they bought a double scoop…I knew there was something terrible lurking in trap 1…if they walked out without buying I knew nothing had been spread up the walls…or the lavvy seat wrecked. :lou_eyes_to_sky:

Bastards either way.


you might want to leave it five minutes, that was a _double scooper… _

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Potting roses for Fairweathers garden centre at there potting sheds located at Hill top on the way into Beaulieu.

Back breaking because you were bending over all day long and your hands spiked to bits by the roses as the gloves we were given were flamin cheap.

Then found out we were on piece work and spent a week earning about 7 shillings and sixpence. for potting about a 1000 roses.

Did that week and never went back.