Could we have some more nominations from the greater Clive Anderson please. Actors, settings, character profiles etc with up votes according to taste for judging purposes?
My proposal for a setting is a Bulgarian ski resort.
Setting: The Runnymede Masonic Lodge. A sprawling mock Tudor nightmare with limited parking.
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Tiger was looking over his new crazy golf course that Rupert had convinced the Chinese State construction to build.
He was perplexed.
So Rupert. Just what am I supposed to do with these Monkey Chickens?
Well obviously Tiger youâre supposed to pet them while Kat watches so the Bear can shoot all over Anastasiaâs ample bosons.
Now, can you hurry up because Dubai Phil is bringing someone in to Sheikh my booty and thereâs a hockey match on MOTD with Clive in it
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@saintbletch a sports clothing tycoon and well known pervert. Partial to wearing ladies underwear beneath his tartan plus fours and fond of a frilled dress shirt in mauve. Tarquin is ruthless and cruel but his favours can be purchased for the price of half a cider. A useless drunk, he has been known to piss himself at the drop of a pastel fedora.
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@goatboy a psittacosis-riddled defrocked vicar and pigeon fancier, much given to plunging his malformed member into the unwilling orifices of his long-sufffering flock. Apart from trips to the newsagent for a packet or two of ready rubbed, he rarely ventures out, prefering to watch endless reruns of Coronation Street with the mummified remains of his family.
But this night he feels something stirring in his innermost being, a visceral need to be elsewhere - no matter how far he must travel. He bids his pigeons a rather too fond farewell and, several hours later, ventures out into the night. Impelled onwards by an urge he cannot explain, he walks for many long nights, spending his days resting in woods, hoping to lay his hands on a finch or two. Eventually, he reaches his destination. He doesnât know where he is, just that this is where he must be. He emerges from a thicket and reads the sign at the side of the road.
Runnymede.
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What the fluttering fuck is this lot?
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Your name ainât plastered all over it though⌠
Narwhal sniffs the Surrey air.
âI can smell her. I can smell the desparation. The wanton longing. I know sheâs nearby. If only my arse would stop leaking and I could shake these sweats. I have to get a grip. Fucking birds will be the death of me.â
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@saintbletch found himself at a loose end. Heâd run out of urine-scented beer (his very favourite tipple) and couldnât be arsed to summon his under-sub-under-footman (an indolent, stuttering halfwit) to fetch some more. Perhaps he should head down to the Lodge tonight - no shortage of opportunities for drinking piss there. He preferred that of the goat to that of the horse, but he wasnât choosy, as his choice of shirts and catamites showed.
If he were to go to the Lodge heâd need to adjust his dress, or maybe change out of it and put on gentlemanâs attire. He summoned his under-sub-footman to lay out his finest floral shirt, lightly flared trousers and navy blazer. Once attired, he felt fully prepared to meet his fellow devotees. Thank god he could walk, as the parking there was shocking, and one particular neighbour had already threatened to âsort some of you apron-wearing cunts out good and properâ when their cars impeded his driveway.
Vulgaris checked his shirt cuffs, as he always did before venturing out. One of them, he saw, was less than straight. Ignoring the obvious metaphor, he sought to straighten it with a vigorous twist. A sharp jolt of pain shot down from his wrist to his shoulder, leaving his arm hanging limp at his side.
âChrist on a fucking bike!â he wailed. âI was only trying to rotate a cuff!â
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This is more
Give us a clue
Than
Whoâs line is it anyway
as most of us have know idea what is going on
But that applies to life in general and not just this thread.
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With no response from @coxford_lou it looks as though the reluctant understudy @chertsey-saint will need to step in, even though the part was originally written for a more masculine personality. The confirmed characters and actors then are as follows.
@dubai_phil . Lead
@btripz .
@goatboy .
The setting shall be the Runnymede Masonic Lodge.
WE need a sexy quest as the final piece of the puzzle.
The quest shall be: to locate and dig up the remains of @jack-schitt , to reanimate his corpse and to extract the tarantula plug from his body. Only @dubai_phil knows the true purpose and power of the plug, but she will not be able to reveal this until it is obtained.
Multiple References must be made to the watch buying thread on SWF.
Each character must also work a description of a fantasy that they have involving @furball 's wife into the story.
You may have the rest of the day to further develop your characters and the quest here and we will aim to start the performance in a new thread at a convenient time perhaps tomorrow.
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Non the wiser
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Did furballâs wife not know when she was getting fingered then?
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