😆 When I Saw This I Laughed Or At Least I Smiled Or At Least I Wasn't Bored

:laughing: When I Saw This I Laughed Or At Least I Smiled Or At Least I Wasn't Bored



Apparently Yoko Ono tweeted “Give us some advice that will make our lives heal and shine”

Some of the best responses are below, some funny some not so funny:

· The little arrow next to the pump logo tells you which side of the car the tank filler hatch is on.

Charlie O’Malley @charliebadger99

· Turn your tins of beans upside down when you put them in the cupboard, that way none get stuck in the bottom when you open them.

Matt Stephens @MStephens1977

· Always check there is paper, before you sit down.

graham davies @GJDavies001

· Clear nail varnish makes ideal Tippex for people who don’t make mistakes.

Berk On A Bike @Berk_On_A_Bike

Mike Duckett @duckett_mike

· Lids are held on jars through… a vacuum, not because they are screwed on tight. Put a spoon under the lip of the lid, lift and break the seal and the lid will lift off easily.

Denise Mina @DameDeniseMina

· Don’t split up the Beatles when they have a few albums left in them.

The Nafemeister @nafemeister

· If you’re commuting from Barnsley to Sheffield a McDonald’s coffee is now 10p cheaper at Tankersley than at Meadowhall Retail Park.

John Broom @barnsleyrunner

· Demand higher taxes for the rich, open borders, a working welfare state and basic income everywhere.

Sonja Dolinsek @sonjdol

· Eat day old Yorkshire puddings with chilli sauce.

John Sturgis @sturgios

· If you marry into the British Royal Family always wear a seat belt.

BonesVanHalen @bones_van

· A decent pair of oven gloves is worth 1,000 towels.

Disappointed Optimist @disappoptimism

· Let’s stop being afraid of what could go wrong and let’s start being positive about what could go right.

Tee @tee_scent

· Take your coat off indoors, or you won’t feel the benefit when you go outside.

Matt Ruddell @MattRuddell

· Rescue a magpie. Teach him to say Merry Christmas.

Penelope Pendragon @PenPendragon

· Don’t eat the yellow snow.

Rev Mike Wilson @PoetTaxiDriver

· Eat the yellow snow. Yellowest snow is the ripest.

Dr Ilke Turkmendag @IlkeTurkmendag

· Be kind and useful. Don’t take offence when none is meant. The joy of comfortable shoes is not to be underestimated.

Kate Cunningham @Katie759

· Avoid flat-roofed pubs.

Brixton Bum @pejro

· Don’t keep lightbulbs in your back pocket.

petrol gibbon @njalskinner

· Lidl have superb Ceramic frying pans.

mickey1 @caromitchell1

· Never be sick into a wire mesh basket.

Brian O’Keefe @rider45

· Seek out comedy. Laugh more.

Jeff Cohen @JeffCohenwriter

· Thermal vests are underrated. Use one, you won’t regret it.

John Shiel @JohannShiel

· Make your packed lunch before you go to bed because you won’t be arsed to in the morning and you’ll end up eating a Greggs again.

Beverley Friend @beverbeverley

· Peanut butter, crispy bacon, and bananas go strangely well together in sandwiches.

Bruce McPherson @brucemcpherson

· When visiting Paultons Park, place your trousers under the mattress before going to bed. It helps keep the crease.

Alex Lester @alexthedarklord

· A Pringles lid fits on a can of beans if you only need half a can for your fry-up.

Rammer @Rammer666

· A plastic milk bottle top makes a great water bowl for a pet shrew.

Mark Rae @markrae

· Old telephone directories make great address books. Simple cross out the names of all the people you don’t know

PhillipNotPhilip @mcgough_p

· Don’t take laxatives if you have a tickly cough.

Archbishop Poet @morrissey2020

· Get in early and go round clockwise, the queues for rides will be shorter, nearly everyone goes the other way.

Dinga @DingaSurfbunny

· Soup boil, soup spoil.

Ben Rowe @benrowe

· Don’t talk to your husband in too much detail or about anything serious until he’s been awake for at least 30 minutes and has had a strong cup of tea.

rjsc42 @rjsc42

· Use hairspray to remove sticky label marks from glass jars.

Chantel Fromtheshire @FebruaryStars70

· You can use washing up liquid to make shower screen doors open and close more easily. Just reapply once in a while.

KMarxette @KMarxette

· Never attempt a winter invasion on three fronts at once.

James Roy @jamesroywriter

· Rescue a dog. It might save both of your lives.


· Rub a spoon on your fingers under a cold running tap to get rid of the smell of garlic.

Eleanor Rugbi @EleanorRugbi

· A canal may look narrow enough to jump across - they’re not…

Lawrence @lawclarke72

· Use the edge of a teaspoon to peel ginger.

Reggie @aahbetty

· Never tie your shoe laces in a revolving door.

Scott Plews @plewsey24

· If your bed is freezing or you are cold- use a hair dryer on your mattress for a few seconds before jumping in. Much better than a hot water bottle


I’m sure Philippine saint will enjoy this.


I could do with a woman sitting on my face right now :lou_is_a_flirt:


Next best…



They make you walk on water to work on the rig and you have to catch your own dinner on the way?!


Took me a few reads to work it out as well. I almost did a little wee…


God Sotonians is boring on a Tuesday without @Barry-Sanchez

I’m looking up more shite than usual



Thank fuck for that, I am so fed up of my son using Americanisms, the worse one being “can I get” instead of “can I have”




Was General Noriega holed up in there?





Someone should check their posting history Dejavu_Phil :lou_wink_2:


PC gone mad innit :-


I’ve played netball. My superior strength and good looks gave me no advantage whatsoever.