https://twitter.com/YoufeckingIdiot/status/988041212052549632
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Back on laptop so a couple of snps from my tour.
thought about popping in to his pub for some motivational speeches
Wonder how many will make the trip hoping to get in…
lol:
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Not hilarious more of an epic fail/lovely story
Girl listening to music on plane doesn’ realise she is sitting next to the singer so he tweets the flight/story
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Lovely story…bought a little tear to my eye. 
Ooh handy
You watch the bastard bin dippers lose on purpose now, so they dont have to pay us.
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THE wretched life of Stevie Gerard has finally hit rock bottom with his appointment as Rangers manager.
Gerard’s downward spiral reached its inevitable destination last night when he received a telephone call from the Dave King asking him to ‘come in for a chat’. His care worker, David Moyes, said: "I was worried this might happen. He’s so vulnerable.
"I suppose the alarm bells started ringing when he moved to the USA” I tried to get him a job in the McDonalds on the high street but they said they’d had a few bad experiences with ex-footballers.” "Apparently Graeme Souness used to pelt the customers with frozen hamburger buns, and Paul Gascoigne used to steal the soft drinks from the kids as he thought they were vodka cocktails.”….and they were classed as two Rangers leg ends.
“
“Anyway, I stood by him until one day he phoned me up and said he was going to coach the academy at Liverpool. I said to him 'Stevie, you’re better than that - why not stay home, watch Jeremy Kyle all day and drink cheap cider?’ but he replied, the days of cheap cider, in Scotland, are over.”
"And now he has to do this awful job that clearly no-one else wanted.”
Gerard began his football management career recently having scraped a pass at ‘O’ Level in Coaching: which he was quick to add was ‘equivalent to Standard Grade 5, in Scotland.’ This was one of the attributes that impressed the board; to have such a qualified manager will surely catapult them to premier league contenders along with Civil Service Strollers.
Previously. Gerard had ruled out retiring but after a severe blow to the head his faculties became impaired and he signed a contract with LA Galaxy. Moyes added: "That was the beginning of the end. Since then it has been a steady descent, each job more demeaning than the last.”
“He used to live in Switzerland you know. It’s such a shame.”
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Now this could have gone into a host of utterly different threads. But seeing it is breaking the internet today and I laughed it starts here.
Celine Dion. Ashes. The official video for Deadpool 2.
Stick with it.
Nsync
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Labour wins huge majority in local elections after Diane Abbott counts the votes
Labour is expected to gain more than eighty million seats after Diane Abbott was asked to count the votes this morning.
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I was standing at the que in Tesco with a bag of dog biscuits, and when I got to the check out the girl said Oh” you have a dog, so I said no I just like dog biscuits!
But the last time I ate them I ended up in hospital.
The girl said did you get food poisoning?
I said no I was sitting in the middle of the road licking my balls and got hit by a car
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