Nicked.
But Iāve changed it to Merseyside 
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not waterside?
Oiā¦!
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A Czech manās overzealous attempts to rid his garden of a mole problem ended up with him nearly blowing his legs off.
The 45-year-old took the ill-advised decision to use the kind of explosives contained in powerful fireworks to blast the tiny animals to oblivion.
He packed the F4-type āDum Bumā explosives inside the mole tunnel, covered them with concrete tiles and for unknown reasons, then decided to stand on top.
The usual minimum distance for fireworks that contain this type of material is 75 feet.
When he detonated the explosives, the ensuing blast was evidently far greater than anything he had anticipated.
Police who were sent to the scene of the incident found a 3ft-deep crater in the ground, the sort of hole that would normally be left āafter the destruction of ammunition or a mine explosion,ā they said in a statement.
Blood was splattered all around the detonation site, they said. Some of the concrete tiles had been blown more than 60ft by the force of the blast.
The āliquidation of a moleā¦almost turned out tragically,ā police said with some understatement.
Neighbours heard a huge explosion and saw a plume of smoke rise from the manās garden, in the town of ÄeskĆ© BudÄjovice, south of Prague.
The man broke both his legs and was rushed to hospital.
Officers issued a warning against the use of illegally bought pyrotechnics, particularly as the festive season approaches.
āNew Yearās Eve celebrations are approaching, so letās be sensible - only buy fireworks in shops and strictly follow their handling instructions,ā said JiÅĆ Matzner, a spokesperson for local police.
Czech President Milos Zeman this year signed a new law banning fireworks during sports events, with rule-breakers facing fines of up to CZK 100,000 (Ā£3,300) or even stadium bans. The legislation is expected to come into effect from February 1.
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'Arry Rednapp just won Ā£0 on Who Wants to be a Millionaire 
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And this is exactly how civil engineering worked the whole of my working life. Note that the Project QS is taking the picture, and is never part of cost cutting or redundancies!
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Once again this year, Iāve had requests for my Navy Rum Christmas Cake recipeā¦So here goes. Please keep in your files as I am beginning to get tired of typing this up every year! (Made mine this morning!!!) 500g sugar, 500g butter, 1 tsp. baking powder, 100ml water, 1 tsp. salt , 1 200g brown sugar, 2 Lemons juiced, 4 large eggs, 1 litre bottle Navy Rum, 400g dried fruit, 200g mixed nuts, 350g self raising flour.
Sample a cup of Rum to check quality. Stroke the cat. Take a large bowl, check the rum again to be sure it is of the highest quality then repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat 400g of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to make sure the rum is still OK. Try another cup just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 eegs and add to the bowl and chuck in the dried fruit. Stroke the cat. Pick the fruit up off the floor, wash it and put it in the bowl a piece at a time trying to count it. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit get as stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the rum to test for tonsisticity. Nexsht, sift 200g of salt, or something. Check the rum. Croke the stat. Now shit the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 180 degrees and try not to fall over. As the oven comes round hang on. Donāt forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the fekin window. Finish off the rum and wipe the torkwop with the cucking fat. 
from a shipmateā¦
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So, I hope that was a spelling mistake 
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Splaarg ngrumph hey you lot should know, you all post on the Rum thread more than meā¦
I donāt drink rum tbf
When you REALLY need a piss before HT
