Things you didn't expect to find yourself doing on a Sunday evening, or any other time come to that

So it is along around 5:30pm yesterday afternoon, and my ever-loving wife and I are sitting in our living room. The dog’s pestering me for his afternoon walk, as I’d expect at that time of day.

And then, there’s a slight whump! noise, accompanied by a feeling like a brief change in air pressure in the room - as if a door had been slammed in another room, making its effect felt where we were sitting. The sensation was considerably more noticeable than the sound.

“What was that?” we pretty much asked each other, feeling a tad puzzled. We were on the point of ignoring the whole thing, when a scrabbling noise made itself heard. Mrs Fowllyd thought it was from outside (the woman whose garden abuts ours has just acquired some chickens), but I thought it was very much inside the house. The dog agreed with me, judging by his interested and alert look and the position of his head (as close to the fireplace as he could get). Mrs Fowllyd and I had a look outside, but there was nothing there, so we came back in and established that the sounds were definitely coming from behind the coal-effect gas fire that we never use.

“I reckon a bird’s fallen down the chimney - more than likely a wood pigeon” quoth I. “Have we got an old sheet or suchlike that we can use to catch it in if need be?” We did, so I set about dismantling the gas fire (yes, I made sure the supply to it was cut off first). It took quite a bit of doing, but eventually I managed to get the grate, fake coals and gas burner part out of the way, so all that was left was the metal fireplace itself, which was sealed to the backplate.

Some prising with a screwdriver sorted that, so I was able to tip the fireplace forward and have a look behind it. As expected, a large, plump wood pigeon was standing there, turning around now and then, presumably wondering what to do (though I ave my doubts about a pigeon’s capacity to wonder anything).

Now, I tend to somewhat nervous about picking up such things as wood pigeons, largely because I’m worried that I’ll hurt them. However, as Mrs Fowllyd currently has a broken left wrist, she wasn’t able to do it. So, when the thing had turned round to an appropriate angle, I reached in and grabbed it (gently, I hasten to add). It tried to escape my grasp, as you’d expect, but I got it to the patio doors and let it go, on which it flew off, leaving quite a trail of slightly sooty feathers.

So there you are. I definitely didn’t expect a wood pigeon rescue to be on the agenda yesterday. After the trouble he’d caused me, he was lucky not to end up as a starter.


Happened to us with a Jackdaw…called out the Gas Board on their emergency number. They asked if it were a life and death incident and they accepted it when I said, “It is for the bird”

They came out and it all turned out well for the Jackdaw…not so good for the last time I did a good deed for a Pigeon. But that’s another story…still traumatised 25 years on.

Yup - a sparrow for me. Came in and cat was chasing it all over the room. Separated cat and bird, calmed the sparrow down, let it go out of the window

But the flat was on a main road so it immediately got hit by a lorry…

Should have let the cat have it


My two evil cats are doing their best to depopulate our part of Cobham of all mice and small birds.

Have become a dab hand at catching the mice - I’m pretty sure I keep catching and letting go the same ones (who clearly know the score and don’t seem to mind being caught by humans now).

Different story with birds. I often wake up or come home to what looks like an explosion in a feather pillow factory…

My cat is a “presenter”.

And by that, I don’t mean you can find him filling in for Philip Schofield on This Morning.

I mean he leaves birds in the kitchen at full wing span, their guts ripped out adorned with a kitchen wide garland of feathers.

I think the little cunt is even fucking prouder of his presentations when he see’s Muggins here cleaning his kill room up before the women come downstairs and freak the fuck out.


Does your cat know @Goatboy

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I was sitting at home watching the telly when the power went off.

A normal occurence when living in Ajman UAE at the time.

So 5 mins later when it hadn’t been reset went out side and saw we were the only villa with no power.

Go to the main breaker on the wall and its tripped so reset it and pop it goes again.

Look at the switchboard inside and find a Gecko lying across two of the incoming cables old sparky could not have put more juice up him. Remove the stiff one and turn the power on

Let there be light.

OK so a number of years ago…early '90s IIRC my wife and I go into a Cafe just below Bar. As we enter there is a kerfuffle as the staff are chasing a Pigeon around the tables. It had just walked in off the street and they weren’t having much success ushering it out.

We seat ourselves at the far end of the cafe and watch the floor-show. The Pigeon runs our way…I see my opportunity and stoop to pick it up. The bird sees me coming and flutters up and then glides majestically the length of the cafe and crashes into the front window.

There it lays helplessly fluttering in an ever broadening pool of blood…the staff look on not knowing what to do. The bird has broken its neck and bleeding. I ask for a plastic bag…pick up the Pigeon and walk outside and dispatch it with a quick whack against a brick wall outside.

Hey ho…such is the life of The Good Samaritan. :lou_facepalm_2:


The Flanders Pigeon Murderer!!!