I hadnt thought about the appetite suppressant thing Cobham. Good point. The mother and I dont have any contact which made it particularly difficult when dealing with her anorexia. I’ll just have to speak to her sisters to see if they have any idea. She has said some stuff on social media to the effect that she has had a couple of relapses. Worrying!
Some very sound advice on here already. I don’t have children, so can’t offer parenting advice.
What I would say is, be careful how you use what you see on social media. This is from personal experience, obviously I’m coming from the other side here.
My mum started a Facebook profile the week I left for uni. She sent me a friend request, obviously, and I didn’t accept it. Cue an angry series of texts, which culminated in a phone call from my mum in tears (I dunno if the fact I’d moved c.200 miles away, and me being her only kid had played into this?) - upset that I wouldn’t accept her requests. I reluctantly gave in.
After this, I started getting texts, calls, emails increasingly worried about how I was going out too much, drinking too much, yes, smoking etc etc etc. It caused a lot of rows, and did put a strain on our relationship - which was hard as we had always been really close up to that point.
If she feels you are spying on her, she will most likely close off, or shut you out.
Edit: Just wanted to clarify, I’m not suggesting at all you are spying - but that may not be how she interprets it. As I did.
FWIW, the mothership & I are all cool now.
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I hope things are cool, @sadoldgit
Genuinely think you have had some top advice on here.
I’ve found the dealing with teenagers thing a lot easier than most. As a sad middle-aged git, I can remember being a teenager pretty well. A life in development has also helped to keep me in a state of arrested development.
Raising kids is like making a paper aeroplane for eighteen years. You try and prepare them so they can be buffeted for the winds of adult life, but at some point, a very specific point in fact, they’re going to get thrown into the adult world.
Catch them when they fall, _suggest _stuff if you think they’re going off the flight path, but realise you can’t control it.
Definitely swerve it if it looks like you’ve been snooping, n’all.
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I would say if you don’t know she smokes she’s probably a social smoker. If she was a regular smoker I think you’d know as the temptation would be too much, and you’d have smelt and questioned that shit before.
Take it from someone who is also a social smoker, is 32, and who’s parents still don’t know he likes a cheeky fag (and I’m keeping it that way, thank you very much).
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Some top advice here. Bravo 
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Word. Kids today don’t do proper smoking. They don’t chain smoke 40 a day like fkn Dot Cotton, partly cos it’s not cool to smoke sober anymore, and partly cos that would cost like £500 a month. What they do do, is have a few cheeky smokes on a night out, and I’m not doctor, but I don’t suppose that is much to worry about really.
On other hand, my boss came to me a couple of years ago coz his teenage boy was smoking dope, and my boss was Square, and he didn’t know what to do. I was like, don’t worry about it. Not much harm in a bit of puff. Wind forwards couple of years, and the son went down 6 months for dealing class A’s lol.
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Thanks again everyone. I knew I would get some good advice and a few laughs from this! Being a parent isnt easy. Being an absent parent is even harder! My youngest is the most rebelious of the three, so I shouldnt be surprised. I’ll be seeing her next week so have a bit more time to think about how I am going to handle it but will certainly take your thoughts on board!
I have a wart on my penis and am looking for sensible advice on how best to make it an attractive feature.
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Is it on the side or end ?
On the side you can use it as a “rib” for extra pleasure
on the end
Your fucked
or not
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If you’re worried about the large, unsightly growth on the end of your penis, then don’t be. It’s just you.
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This.
When I started smoking it was because I was being a typical gutted-over-an-ex-girlfriend-18-year-old and when I told my parents I smoked all I got was a load of “I had no idea you were so stupid…no no no go ahead, do what you like, I just didn’t think you were a total idiot” etc.etc. and all I thought was “ah bollocks to 'em” and shrugged it off.
Truth be told everyone knows its bad for you. But you do it anyway. Because you don’t care.
The reason the Mr Mackey South Park “Drugs are bayud, m’kay” joke has become so famous and fondly-remembered is because that’s literally the logical extent of every photo of diseased lungs and line graph of cancer rates/correlation with smoking - all you’re really telling someone is: “Smoking is bad, don’t do it.” There’s not much more to it than that.
(I quit just over a month ago - although I’ve quit for as much as 6 months in the past and re-taken it up so can’t promise anything - going to the gym a lot now so that helps motivate me etc.)
Anyway!
Regarding your daughter.
Best advice is this: there’s no point nagging her to quit, but she will want to quit, sooner or later. Just be patient, almost no-one doesn’t even try to go a few days without a cig at some point.
When she does so, BE READY. What you want to do is be a massive cheerleader for her when she tries to quit. Loads and loads of encouragement. Do some activities with her, offer to buy her a meal out or a treat at the end of the month or something - just loads and loads of encouragement and positivity. That gives her the ‘soft pressure’ of not wanting to let you down, but also shows you’re not just a nag and that you do really really care. People respond to positivity way more than negativity so as I say, just massively be there for when she does try and quit or have a week or so off.
EDIT: Oh! One more thing. The one thing you could do is occasionally (very, very softly) ask her if she’s ever gone a day without a cigarette. Not in an aggressive or nagging way, just a kind of “since you started smoking have you ever taken a day off at all? Even if you don’t quit perhaps it might be an idea to see if you can take a day off? smokings never great but mind you don’t get too addicted - anyway! *changes topic of conversation*”
That’ll get her thinking; “Hm, wow, I really haven’t have I? Maybe this is something I need to think about. Oh sod it, let me just go a day without one and see if I can do it”.
Now, if she tries and fails, then that *will* at least alert her (it certainly did for me when I challenged myself to do so). If she tries and succeeds (which she eventually will - anyone can go a day without) then that’ll provide ample encouragement for when she tries to shake them off for good.
One of the toughest things about quitting is thinking “Good grief am I seriously going to have to never have a cigarette again? Man I’ve got no chance. No point trying” - when in actual fact, you have a day off, then a few days off, then a week off and then realise you don’t even want one.
Trying to quit cold turkey is just so so daunting - whereas trying to take a few days off, going on a little run without a fag, and then seeing if you can keep that run going is a good way to kind of ‘quit by accident’.
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To be honest, your 18 year old daughter smoking a ciggie, and putting it on facebook, is no big deal. Remember when you were 18? No facebook in those days. 18 is about the age when you,(metaphorically), cut your old mans bollocks off! Fuck me, when i was 18,( back in the sixties), smoking a ciggie would have been the least of my old man’s worries. If he had an inkling of what i was up to, ie, scoring microdots which were being produced and knocked out at a quid a pop from the chemistry students at Southampton University, then off to watch some psychedelic band, (the Pink Fairies spring to mind), at the halls of residence, he would have had a heart attack! Think yourself lucky mate, 20 years down the line you will be sitting in a pub, with her and your grandchildren, having a laugh about it. In the grand scheme of things, it really is no big deal.
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I’ve been invited to a stag do. It’s a bloke I work and play football with. I would say I’m pretty close to him and I like him a lot. However, the stag do involves going to some festival and camping. The tickets are £125. The issue I have is as follows:
- I don’t like camping and have never wanted to go camping.
- The festival is shit. The Stereophonics headline, which tells you all you need to know.
- I don’t like meeting new people
- Add in drinks etc, its adding another £100 at least to the cost
- The best man says the groom shouldnt have to spend any money, so wants us to put in his costs, which will be another X amount (not sure yet)
- No one else I know wants to go
I have emailed the best man on behalf of me and 2 others saying we would rather do something else, like a weekend away abroad given how much money this is going to cost. He has said that we’re doing the festival. Another mate of mine can’t go and another has independently said he can’t afford it.
So…do I not go for all the reasons listed or am I compelled, as a friend, to go?
The total cost would be around £300+ to do something that I would hate, with people I don’t know, which I also hate. I think I know what my decision is, but as a social retard I can’t figure out if it is acceptable to say I’m not going. What do you think?
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A real man would do what his mate wants to do and not piss his pants over £300.
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It’s not the money as such. I’ve said I’m willing to spend the money on a weekend abroad or something. It’s more the fact that I really don’t like camping and would not enjoy it. I can’t decide if my needs are secondary to his in this instance.
A real man doesn’t give a shit where he sleeps and makes his own fun whatever the circumstances.
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Is Bletch going?
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What happens if you’re not a real man and couldn’t give a shit about being a real man?
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He could go in my place if he wishes. Would this be acceptable? To sub someone in?
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