The rudest songs on Earth

Music and gigs
1

I have a story to kick this thread off. I’ve recently started a new contract. One of the fellas there, a few years older than me, complains about the state of modern music. His contention was that there was nowt new, it had all been done before.

This is the sort of subjective thing you can’t get a result on normally. You’re not going to get much of a result by saying “my good man, I really think you should be entertaining the wonderment of Arcade Fire”. They won’t get it, at least not on first listen.

This matey’s car breaks down on Friday and nowhere close will fix his clutch. He finally gets joy 4.9 miles away, so being socialist old me, I volunteer to get him to his motor, get him back from the garage, and back to his motor again.

Bringing him back from the garage, I notice my colleague is impressively animated during the AC/DC Atlantic Studio’s recordings. I decide to try him on something else on the way back.

Here is the rude playlist I played for him:-

We’re a rude site. Give me your rude songs, Sotonians.

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2

s’pose it’s not technically a song so how about this

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3
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4

In that spirit, sorta.

5

Classically Rude

Obscurely Rude

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6

Classically

Obscurely

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7

Almost forgot

8

Classically but subtlely rude

Oh, Philomena, are you in a tawdry gown
Lean to your window, let’s slip a ribbon down
If you’re to devoid
If only you’ll let me go
Down, down down

Long sunny days can lead to lazy vices
Boys all that I know, left to their own devices
Open up your linen lap
And let me go
Down, down down

All I ever wanted in the world
Was just to live to see a naked girl
But I found I quickly bored,
I wanted more, I wanted more

So I’ll be your candle and I’ll be your statuette
And I’ll be your lash and loop of leather
And dark Philomena, if only you’d let me go
Down, down down

All I ever wanted in the world
Was just to live to see a naked girl
But I found I quickly bored,
I wanted more, oh, so much more

So I’ll be your candle and I’ll be your statuette
And I’ll be your lash and loop of leather
And dark Philomena, if only you’d let me go
Down, down down
Go down, down down
Go down, go down

9

“You know why my heads so numb, my Grandmother sucked my dick and I didn’t cum. Smacked the whore for talking crap, so what if she’s handicapped, bitch said Bizarre couldn’t rap. I fucking hate you, I’ll take you’re drawers down and rape you, while Dr Dre videotapes you…”

D12, Fight Music

Mic drop

Or…

“Yo this girl’s only 15 years old, how can you take advantage of her, it’s not fair”.
“Yo look at her bush, does it have hair?”.
“Uh, huh”
“Fuck this bitch right here on the step there, till she passes out and forgets how she got there”.

10

Or my favourite, as it’s my song (for those that know me…)…

11

Ouch. That’s brutal, Shirty.

Poor Grandma.

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12

I don’t give a shit, she handicapped bitch.

Sorry, I need to get myself out of hip hip mode.

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13

I’m sure I know worse as well, bit pissed now but will think about it in me Uber…