Think I probably posted this elsewhere before, but when I was at my mums over Xmas, she got genuinely upset at me for swearing at Alexa.
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I donât use any more amazon stuff than I have to, but I regularly call cortana a fucking cunt.
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3 days of winds dust and 43C hot dry air blowing in from the west here. Thought summer was over ffs.
And now worrying if I need to get a flu shot before I fly on a certain airlineâŚ
Shocked and surprised LewisâŚyou really shouldnât abuse domestic staff. 
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Aeroflot are doing some cheap flightsâŚhad your Novachok booster jab yet? 
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People get upset when I walk into their houses, notice an Alexa, and say âAlexa, turn yourself offâ
Hate them!!
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I used to call my old Cortina the same when it broke down.
We have one of the Google home devices which the Duchess likes to use. It seems to change between an English accent and an American accent, which i find strange. Would any of you fine people know why this is?
I donât really use it, but it seems fun, although iâm thinking of getting a small one for the bedroom and asking it to wake me up by reading erotic fiction.
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The trials of Alexa - part 2
Cb: Hows my commute this morning
Alexa: Its a bit sluggish, it is currently taking approximately 28 minutes
CB: Bugger, better get a move on
80 minutes later CB arrives at the office.
A bit fucking sluggish??? Alexa and I are gong to have words tonight.
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Sack her off, itâs the humane thing to doâŚ
Considering it.
There are now two females in the house that wont listen to me.
How the fuck have I ended up being in third place in a two person household
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Genuinely donât understand why anyone would trust any Alexa/Google thing in their homes? Thereâs enough data gathering as it is.
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Interesting point. Iâm not being flippant, but it seems to get used primarily for setting timers for cooking food, what cricket / football scores are current, weather reports and tuning into radio on a weekend, in my house. However, i am a total tech bozo, so I donât understand all it can do. But if it hears the conversations Mrs N and I have about a) her sister in law, b) my sister c) the neighbour two doors down and d) Donald Trump and repeats them at the wrong time, weâll be in the doghouse alright.
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If Jeff Bezos wants to listen in to me and the Ayatollah squabbling, then he can fill his boots
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Industry awards events.
Everyone knows the entries are fabricated / gongs paid for by sponsoring the event.
The food is normally awful, entertainment is usually a 2nd rate comedian/ comedienne, you have to be there to entertain your âguestsâ and schmooze with people you actively dislike in your industry & worst of all your boss laughs when he says he canât go and no I canât opt outâŚ
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I also delegate these things. I like choosing the person who has never been before and watching them get all excited at the prospect only to come in the following day with an accusing look on their face as if to say you stitched them up. I also enjoy watching them try to avoid all contact with me in the month leading up to the following yearâs event.
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Simple, get absolutely smashed, call all your âguestsâ Bletchâs favourite word, also make some inappropriate non-PC jokes.
Your boss will never ask you to go again.
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We were both supposed to go because âreally importantâ clients were going and he didnât want drunken kids to fuck things up. Clearly not that important thenâŚ
Heâs obviously not seen any of your posts here then. 
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