Tell me about it everytime I go home from offshore the mrs has sacked one and employed 2 more 
Stubbing you toe - why does it hurt so much and why does everyone who sees you do it think its so funny
Yesterday I tried to drop kick the cooker over the back fence of our garden. Cue much cursing from me and much hilarity from the Ayatollah.
Now my toe has gone black
5 Likes
Voted up because it is funny 
Originally posted by @PhilippineSaint
Originally posted by @CB-Saint
Stubbing you toe - why does it hurt so much and why does everyone who sees you do it think its so funny
Yesterday I tried to drop kick the cooker over the back fence of our garden. Cue much cursing from me and much hilarity from the Ayatollah.
Now my toe has gone black
Voted up because it is funny
ditto
I voted both of you down because it aināt funny in the slightest.
Stupid numptycunt
5 Likes
I know Iām going to regret asking but,why were you trying to drop kick the cooker over your back fenceā¦?
he lives in Portsmouth
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Insurance companies who jack up the renewal premium forcing you to go through the rigmarole of āgo comparingā.
just put the premium up five percent and I probably couldnāt be arsed to change.
the Ayatollahās car came up for renewal. Five minutes and identical policy for half the renewal quote.
also the house insurance with similar results.
in the last ten minutes I have saved enough to pay for my Milan jolly. Mental.
7 Likes
Alternatively, you could use the saving to buy some Private Medical Insurance to sort out your toes when you decide you want to punt your fridge over the garden fence to join your cookerā¦
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Just donāt bother and get the Mrs to drive you about so that when she is arrested and does time you can drink your 2nd noncorked special red with your decent Asda steak without any disturbance - you could even go Kobe Beef with the money saved - result!
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Got a mate at work thatās really tall. Stephen Merchant tall. People were always amused at seeing us together and the fucking gulf in height difference.
Anyway, he has broken his toe. Canāt quite remember how he actually broke his foot, but told people:-
āHeās a very talll man. Just as a ham sandwich dropped from the top floor of the Empire State building will reportedly kill someone, a ham sandwich dropped from his head height should build up the necessary acceleration to break a bone at the bottom.ā
Everyone seems to be happy with that.
Just did myself some knee ligament damage tonight - the usual 50:50 where your foot turns and the knee follows.
Pretty sure it isnāt a tear, but it isnāt great. 
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Not knowing WTF is going to happen in Milan on Friday.
Flying back to Dubai or staying another day - will we be put up in a decent gaff or have to find our own and transport ourselves there?
Sitting watch a game on Sky Sport last night. Shit gameā¦fortunately avoided pre-game/half-time/post-match analysis (read big-time BS).
Saving graceā¦we moved up 2 points on them last night.
OK. Had meeting booked in with my boss from 4:30 to 5:30 in a local hostelry, that coincidentally is showing the Milan match (Golden Fleece just off Cheapside) - totally planned btw
Meeting now cancelled, but means I have to go see a client in the arse-end of nowhere so will miss at least the first half ffs
aaaarrrgh!!!
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Fuck that. Get stuck in traffic/be ill/fuck it off.
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Whatās the update, I?
Originally posted by @saintbletch
Originally posted by @Rallyboy
Just did myself some knee ligament damage tonight - the usual 50:50 where your foot turns and the knee follows.
Pretty sure it isnāt a tear, but it isnāt great.
Whatās the update, I?
Retraining for Para-olympic Football I believe.
Cosmetic amputation an attractive option?