My attention has been drawn to the fact that today is officially ānational orgasm dayā, ( yes really). Annoyingly, my current partner, the delightful and long suffering Widow Fist is āoff gamesā due to an incident in the garden, which has resulted in a very painful dislocated finger. Damn! I trust my fellow Sotonians will be keeping their ends up though, throwing a decent shift in later to mark this momentous occasion. The one day of the year when" i have a headacheā isnāt acceptable. I shall be with you in spirit.
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Youāve only one arm too?
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And there we have Areolaās new name: Widow Fist.
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No no no. Call me old fashioned, but i could never countenance being unfaithful to the one true love in my life.
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When you finally get the post holiday blue which coincides with an awkward discussion with a manager at work about how you donāt want that complex piece of work and that you never intended to be in the role as you didnāt apply for it. Really need to move on.
When youāre bald and youāve spent all summer assuming that because youāve walked to and from work (2.5 miles each way) in the baking sun of the last several weeks that youāve got a good protection from the sun and you realise that, after putting a tent up in the midday sun, you havent, and your head is burnt!
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People who donāt indicate, particularly at busy roundabouts.
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Very niche. But anonymous malicious referrals about families. It means they have me in their lives and a record on a system for a number of years. Which isnāt fair.
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I have known that to happen on my estate. In fact, I think it happened to us in 1984. Whatever other wonderful qualities my mother has, sheās a clean freak. My step-dad put in the complaint after @unionhotel and me ma had both given him independent proper hidings, and heād got turfed out of the house. He looked like a panda after mother got through with him, which is quite and achievement when he was Iranian. I think Pa gave him a whack in the Northam area, and we all know the Northam is a bit dodge, like.
Social services turn up at our house, see everything spic and span, and fuck off forever.
Canāt go into any details, but I am privy to some deteriorating relationships right now. The shit people do to each other in that very destructive phase of a relationship is insane, and weāre far from the only family Iāve known that to happen to.
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Iād have been more worried about the violence that you mention. That would have interested me more than whether the house was clean. Itās not all about dirty houses. In fact those are the rare cases and I have seen some pretty appalling places. The majority of referrals are about violence in families.
But yeah thereās a lot of couples who split up and then make malicious allegations. Iāve spent quite a bit of time dealing with those kind of cases.
People who Skype / Face time on speaker - absolute ignorant wankers
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People who post FB WARNINGS!!!
FFSā¦just do a simple Snopes search before you perpetuate FAKE SHIT.
Heysoos Christos!
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When you order something in a restaurant and realise youāve been a victim of hype!
Excruciating detail below
Ok, Iāve written this as itās going on Twat Advisor or Twatter or somewhere as feedback to the Vintage Inns.- owners of the Bakerās Armās in Lychett Minster.
I ordered a steak and ale pie in The Bakerās Armās. It was billed as something like slow cooked beef in an ale sauce with a hint of treacle and root vegetables all topped off with butter washed pastry top.
It arrived and it was clear it had been oversold.
It had a butter washed top but everything else was disappointing.
There were three 2 cm cubes of steak three 2cm cubes of carrot and four 2cm cubes of potato. The dish was about 3cm high and the fluid inside was only 1cm deep - leaving 2cm gap between fluid and pastry top. Oh and the stock was thin and salty and didnāt taste of ale or treacle.
I know these stats because I summoned the waitress and lifted the pie top (not a euphemism) and showed her.
She was lovely, apologised and told me to start on this pie whilst she got me another one. I said Iād wait, and this is when I realised that this sort of complaint wasnāt unusual, because she said that I should eat both pies because she didnāt know if the next one would be any different.
I didnāt eat the first one and when the second one came it was pretty much the same. I showed her again, and again she was lovely and apologetic and explained that that company that owned the pub send the filling to them so they have nothing to do with it in the kitchen. Other than introducing the watery filling to the pie dish and pastry.
She asked me if I wanted to change my order but I explained that my wife was nearly on dessert so Iād stick with the pie.
The starter was fantastic and the waitress couldnāt have been more apologetic or more helpful and she didnāt charge me for the pie.
I think I just ordered the wrong dish because everything else about the pub looked good EXCEPT the large gin and tonic which arrived in a large burgundy-style wine glass with 12 ice cubes in. I know there was 12 because I kept 3 whilst 9 of them were shovelled into my wifeās soft drink. Before I fished them out they had conspired to completely water down my gin!
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Your mistake @saintbletch was going into the Bakerās Arms (or Bakerās Arse as itās known locally) in the first place ,should have asked meā¦
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Retimed? Re-fucking-timed? No, my flight is fucking delayed. 
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The Joys of Travelling with Malaysia Air.
Next your flight will be cancelled and the next one you will be told is at gate H10, and when you get there it will have moved gate to G10 the exact opposite of the airport terminal.
In good news they do have good free internet wifi across the whole airport.
Iām sending you as much sympathy as this forum sent me last weekend during my travails.
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Adverts of donkeys with fucked up hooves.
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Getting the vibe wrong at a work party and being significantly more fucked than anyone else 
I may not have a job come Mondayā¦
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East Coast Mainline
- aircon great all the way to Leeds to cool me down for a cloudy day oop-tānorth,by eck,Petalā¦,
Reserved coach on way back, full heating, no aircon. Move carriage, has aircon which breaks down. Get to London, hot, tubes sweaty, train home hotā¦not happy and wilting by the time I get to my station.
Redeemed by Young Adult picking me up from station with aircon on full. Finally realised kids have their uses!
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