Fuck that, theyād only claim disability if you did. Hang the fuckers, thatās what I sayā¦
They say bad things come in threes. Personally, I hope that the Chelsea and Everton result were the other bad things, and that my single vehicular loss was the third bad thing.
My fear is that the other two bad things are yet to come. Weāll not get a win, and @tokyo-saint will turn up at my gaff at midnight with an utterly binding contract that says I have to live in his shed for the rest of my life, tending to drainage blockages caused by faecal matter with a deep fried Mars Bar base. With my bare hands. Permitted one shower per year.
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My appeals to get a āhouse baseball batā, or bats, have gone unheeded.
This means my plan to have an Escape From New York style baseball bat, with fucking nails hammered through it, is on the back burner.
On rejection, I asked the missus āwhat about a crossbow?ā. She responded to that petition more poorly than the baseball bat one, funnily enough.
It would never have worked. I donāt think the Broadie Argos does crossbows, and it closes in 13 minutes.
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Do what my parents have done. Put a alarm system in. It only works downstairs so you can walk about upstairs. Dogs/cats can move about fine. Itās such a pain in the arse for me to deal with I never go downstairs at night to let the dogs out when I am there. Dad can deal with that. They got it after an increase in burglaries in their area.
First day back at work and have quite a disagreement with my manager about a case. Can I go back on holiday again?
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They have caught the fuckers. I donāt think there will be any hand chopping though. Picking up my car tomorrow, which apparently has survived the ordeal relatively unscathed.
Ā£150 quid storage charge. Fuckers. I know the insurance will pay out, but if they do, thatās two years no claims down the swanny.
All said and done, if it was down to a choice of nicking cars or having your car nicked, Iād probably nick cars. It seems to be easier than having your car nicked.
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Not being able to āwet the babies headā for a week whilst I am still stuck offshore.
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DOnt suppose your girls played hockey when they were kids, just āreorganiseā the shed and ārun outā of space.
No purchase = no permission required = no problem
I thinkā¦
The unscrewed butt end of a pool/snooker cue works just fine as wellā¦
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The rare time I decide to get the train, the absolute muthas cancel it. Insufficient staff to man the train.
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Arrrh. Head Gasket gone luckily caught it BEFORE blowing the engine up.
Really didnāt need that bill this month
Bedding. After spending a fortune doing my bedroom up, itās time for the new bed to go in. So need new bedding and as i havenāt skimped on anything, thought i would get decent quality bedding.
Siberian goose down quilt Ā£610. Pillows to match Ā£300 each. 1000 thread Egyptian cotton fitted sheet Ā£149, quilt cover Ā£239, pillow case Ā£59.
Thatās Ā£2722 for a quilt, 2 pillows and 3 sets of covers, so thatās a fuck off from me.
Think of the rum and wine i could buy with that money. Iāve got dust sheets from work if it gets cold 
You could fly to Poland for the Goose Down (family members do that stuff)
Then fly down to Cairo and find the cotton shouldnāt be too hard to google someone who can make them custom
Probably also save by getting Rum at Duty Free
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Total=Ā£436
- my bottle of rum for doing the work
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Itās not as if youāll be looking at the duvet and sheets when youāre asleep
http://www.argos.co.uk/browse/home-and-garden/clearance-home-and-garden/bedding/c:29841/
Even more money for rumā¦
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Joking aside, the Polish in laws are actually making us goose down stuff ready for our (planning for) move there before Brexit.
Cost is a box of Bateel Almond stuffed Dates.
Which I fortuitously won.
Cheers @goatboy the pillows and quilt look a cert. Not so much white covers. I might drunkenly decide eat chocolate and read in bed, then fall asleep. Itāll look horrible in the morning 
Thanks @cobham-saint But no thanks. All that work ruined with synthetic covers 
Is that an offer @dubai_phil Iāll pay* for the Bateel almond stuffed dates and chuck in a bottle of vodka.
*Look it up in a dictionary
Edit: the bottle of rum might have shrunk by the time i get to Southampton, or if you donāt see me, empty(hope i donāt have chocolate on me at the time). You may have to settle for a large one in the Rockstone.
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Itās likely to already have been mentioned (by me) but people who talk at gigs. The guy behind me not only poured beer down my back but he and his mates talked loads. At one point a song thatās not played much started. Apparently his was āepicā and lots of āoh my godsā etc pretty much throughout the actual song. I get it. I donāt mind a bit of enthusiasm for your fave song but why not listen and enjoy.
You should have turned round and loudly told him to STFU. I did it once at the Gaumont, it works you know.
And people ask why we would want to get out of hereā¦
Absolutely toxic outside today trying to breath that fine dust. Not to mention when the a/c in the car sand blasts your face when you switch on the engine. Hell even had to dust my trousers before I put them on this morning