Dogs on heat
Ah snow.
Back in the dayā¦
I was due in Jarrow for a sales meeting. Left Salisbury about 4amā¦
Got to Heathrow to get the shuttle. Snow problems cancelled said BA. Can you get me to Teessde ? Yes. I arrive rent a car drive through snow arrive at factory.
To find it closed because nobody could get to workā¦
Good nightā out in those days in Newcastle so I enjoyed my hotel stop over
I remember going to school with snow up to the top of our Wellies. My knees were a little cold due to the fact that in Primary School we all had to wear short trousers. Good job our little nads had yet to descend.
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tl;dr Bletch needs to vent so this post is full of frustration, bitching, moaning and self-interested neediness.
Iāve been with Sky for 18 years apparently and Iāve had the same old Sky + HD box for probably 8+ years.
Over the last several months the Sky box has been developing faults - failure to come out of standby, turning on but complaining that it can find listings, etc. I then have to turn the box off at the mains and wait 30 seconds, switch it on again and it will then be fine until it next goes into a long standby - normally overnight.
This was becoming a pain, especially because 6 times out of 10 this rebooting process would cause the Sky box to refuse to connect to the network, which in turn would usually bring the whole network down requiring me to switch off all routers and Google cast devices and then switch them on in a specific fucking order for them all to play nicely again. This seems to be a Google and Netgear issue so not pinning that on Sky.
Breath. Itās OK Bletch.
So about four weeks ago I decided Iād contact Sky to get this resolved.
The first couple of calls were abandoned because I couldnāt get through to a human.
As instructed in the brainwashing hold audio, I followed the trouble-shooting tips (to the fucking letter) on the website. This involved multiple reboots of the box (hard and soft) which in turn 60% of the time lost the network which in turn usually required me to do the fucking Google cast rain fucking dance to get them all to play nicely again.
Decided that Iād done as much as I could so needed to speak to a human.
Tried calling again but again nobody answered but I was given the option to contact Sky via SMS text.
Great I thought so I texted them. Each reply to my message took about 20 minutes on average so the complex, multi-step instructions to download the latest software took fucking ages and of course each reboot meant that 60% of the time I lost the network which in turn usually required me to cast the Google cast spell to get everything fucking working again.
Go to that happy place, Bletch.
And of course, after each of these attempts, you have to wait to see if this random problem of standby and listings disappearing had been resolved.
It hadnāt.
Finally, I decided that I had to speak to a human so persevered through the fucking hold audio that kept trying to brainwash me into upgrading to Sky fucking Queue*(sic).
The human I eventually spoke to wanted me to re-run all the tests Iād already done. I told him to suck my fucking cock by politely but firmly explaining that Iād done those things already and would not budge until he gave me a different thing to try. Eventually, he told me to take out the viewing card and tell him what it said on the screen. This, somehow, allowed him to determine that my viewing card was nixed and that this had been my problem all along.
Great.
He told me that he had to disable my existing card which would mean that I couldnāt watch Sky premium channels anymore on this card, but that he would send the viewing card express delivering and it would be with me within 2 working days.
āButā¦ā I started to sayā¦
He assured me that he would apply compensation to my account for the loss of service.
Not pleased but feeling like I was finally getting somewhere, I took his name (Jeff, no really, you might know him - Jeff from Mumbai) and ended the call.
This was 9 days ago.
After 4 days the card still hadnāt arrived so I called, persevered through the attempts to make me give up waiting, persevered through the brainwashing hold audio and finally got to speak to someone else.
She told me that the card that I had been told was sent out on special 2 days delivery had actually been sent out on 5 days delivery.
I thanked her warmly for explaining why the fuckity fuck I couldnāt watch Sky and asked her to find out why I was misled by Jeff from Mumbai.
She put me on hold and, after brainwashing me some more about Sky fucking Queue*(sic) she terminated the call leaving me hanging and somewhat fuming.
I called back, and at the point where the automated voice recognition system asks you why you are calling I said
āI want to make a fucking complaintā
It paused for a moment and said
āYouād like to make a complaint, is that right?ā
I was impressed to be fair and said, with an aggressive swaggerā¦
āOh, yesā with a heavy emphasis on the āohā
The system paused and saidā¦
āIām sorry I didnāt understand thatā.
I sheepishly and clearly said āYesā and so was put through to the complaints department.
I explained everything to date which was a lot of fun and made sure I covered the fact that Iād just been disconnected in the middle of a call, and then was told that they had no record of the first viewing card having been sent.
I told them āno hard feelings, everyone makes mistakesā and urged them to fix my fucking problem quickly if they wanted to keep me as a fucking customer.
They then told me that a good way to solve my problems would be to buy a Sky fucking Queue*(sic) box as it would be new and shiny and do lots of shit like āFUCKING WORK!ā and stuff.
I told them to suck my cock again because I wasnāt spending a penny more to fix this problem.
They then looked on their system to find that as Iād been a customer for more than 15 years I qualified for a free Sky fucking Queue*(sic) box with free fucking delivering.
āAce!ā I said, and postured that āNow weāre fucking getting somewhereā
She was pleased that sheād been able to handle my complaint in such an efficient way but then she shat in my mouth with
āAll you have to do is agree to pay another Ā£12/month for 18 months and weāre good to goā
I expressed dissatisfaction with this eleventh-hour adjustment to the resolution of my complaint.
She could understand my position, she said but could give me little else - other than her understanding.
She told me that she would instead send a new viewing card and that it would be with me within 2 working days. She gave me a complaint number which appeared to be like a Wonker golden ticket - in that it should get me into places other people canāt get - like SPEAKING TO A FUCKING HUMAN WITHOUT HAVING TO HOLD FOR HALF MY LIFE.
So I waited for the delivery, during which time something started puzzling me.
The Sky box, which now had the viewing card removed, was still exhibiting the same fault that had been attributed to the faulty view card.
How, I wondered, could the viewing card cause my Sky box to NOT FUCKING WORK, BRING DOWN MY ENTIRE FUCKING NETWORK and generally work its evil magic from inside the drawer in my kitchen?
Predictably 2 more days passed and still no viewing card arrived.
A further day passed and so, being home from work today due to snow, I called them determined that I would either get a resolution or I would stop paying Sky the Ā£85/month (Ā£1020/year) that I was paying.
Armed with my complaints number I told the voice recognition system
āIād like to make a complaintā
Which took me to a different part of them queuing system where I waited for 14 FUCKING MINUTES for a human to answer.
The human, who was lovely (as has everyone Iāve spoken to BTW - except the bitch that cut me off) apologised, double-checked my address and told me that she would send another viewing card.
I explained that I was now concerned that the problem this viewing card was being sent to fix was still being remotely controlled by the old, telekinetic viewing card in my kitchen drawer.
She was surprised at this too and so set to work to see if there was another way to solve my problem.
āAhh, she said. Good newsā
āWhat?ā I said.
āI see youāve been a customer for more than 15 years so as a VIP you are entitled toā¦ā she started.
āStopā I said. āAre you going to end that sentence by asking me to sign an 18 month agreement to pay you Ā£12 more each month in exchange for a Sky fucking Queue*(sic) box?ā I asked.
She sheepishly said she was and I told her to suck my cock again and that I wasnāt paying a penny to fix this as I already pay too much and the amount of decent content on Sky had reduced dramatically in recent years.
She was sorry to hear this, which was good, and I told her that I was pleased that she was sorry but I wanted my fucking problem solved.
She explained that I couldnāt get a free Sky fucking Queue*(sic) box and I told her I didnāt want a free Sky fucking Queue*(sic) box, I simply wanted to get access to the service that I was fucking paying for.
She put me on hold, spoke to her manager and then told me that she had good news. She would transfer my call and said that I would speak to someone that could get me a free Sky + HD box with no charge for delivery and installation.
I thanked her and told that I was happy that we were at least on the right path to solving my problems.
She put me on hold
She came back a little later to tell me that she was having difficulties putting me though.
She put me on hold, again.
She came back to tell me that the cancellation department (ironically where they transfer you to stop you from cancelling) were busy right now and that she couldnāt put me through.
She asked if I could leave it for 3 hours and call back then.
I told her that I wanted to get this resolved now rather than spend more of my day off on the phone with Sky and that if I had to call the CANCELLATION department later I would be calling the CANCELLATION department to fucking CANCEL.
She asked me for one more chance to solve my problem while she spoke to her manager.
I agreed and she put me on hold, again.
She came back and said āGood newsā. She would be able to send me a Sky + HD box for no cost.
āGreat,ā I said.
All I would have to do would be to pay her Ā£30 for delivery and installation and, once Iād had the box for an unspecified time, she would credit me the money back.
I thanked her and explained that as a matter of principle she could suck my fucking cock. I explained that I wouldnāt be invoicing Sky for the time I had spent trying to resolve THEIR fucking problems with MY fucking service, so I didnāt believe it was right that Sky should charge me to solve THEIR fucking problems with MY fucking service.
The crediting of the charge back to me was not important. This had now become a matter of principle.
I told her that I wasnāt prepared to pay her any more money and I wasnāt prepared to call back 3 hours later on my day off so asked her to have one more go at solving my problem.
She put me on hold, again.
āBad news,ā she said when she came back.
āGo onā¦ā I prompted.
Iām afraid that you wonāt be able to call the cancellation team in 3 hours as it is closed for the whole day.
āGot it,ā I said
Apparently, the Sky cancellation team couldnāt get to work today because some snow had fallen near them.
Snow in Mumbai, whoād have thought? But it turns out that only the triaging functions are managed in India, anyone that has the authority to waive a Ā£30 charge for a loyal customer works in Scotland.
Cunts.
āYouāll have to call the cancellation team tomorrow to ask them to solve your problem without chargeā.
āI will call the cancellation team tomorrow thenā¦ā I said.
āOk, sorry I couldnāt help you myselfā she replied.
āā¦but Iāll be phoning the CANCELLATION team to cancel my 18 year relationship with Skyā I expanded.
She was genuinely upset that she was not able to solve my problem. And I explained to her that she had done an amazing job of trying to help within the parameters of the procedures laid down by Sky.
So tomorrow I will call Sky and cancel. I feel quite liberated by the whole process and the time weāve spent without Sky has given us the impetus to work out how weād live without it; stuff like recording TV, what channels we actually need, etc.
But it was really the figure of Ā£1020 that made me take action. I realised that I could get a nice new TV, NowTV box upgrade, perhaps a FreeView recorder and within a few short months away from Sky it would be paid for.
Right, sorry to subject you to that but I had to get it off my chest.
And breathā¦
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I think you meant ābreatheā at the very end there Bletch. 
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I feel your painā¦ I keep getting called by a nice sky people offering a Q, but I keep telling them to fuck off. Last week I was sent a text saying the monthly will be going up by about Ā£6ā¦ I replied to the text that this would push me over the edge and that at 48 I was now entitled to a be a bitter middle aged cunt and would be acting like one when their nice boy from Ireland called again offering me a āfreeā Q for another Ā£12 a month which would then make it over Ā£100 a month which is beyond what is reasonableā¦ I also told em i am considering suing them for loads of money back since the service I signed up for is now partly avaialble on BT Sport and other channels and the movies are shit and I how soiled I feel even seeing an advert for utter shit like āStrikeBackā that they are spending my hard earned on. Our 9 year old Sky+HD box is still going but is also behaving like a cuntā¦
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Yeah - fuck that, Bletch. Get an Xbox with that saved money too and use a mateās Sky login. Hey presto - loads of shit channels for free.
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Sky are cunts, of that there is little doubt. Your story, bletch, is very familiar.
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Sky indeed are cunts, however the CiL (cunt in law) seems to be able to phone them up every 18 months, complain about how much he is paying and lo and behold he gets some stuff free for 9 months.
This time around he reckons he got SkyQ upgrade for nothing, which I very much doubt.
Southampton Football Club.
The most eloquent post on this thread in years.
What Bletch needs is an investigative journalist sounds very much like Sky are doing an Apple & have put a bug in their o/s to make the old boxes inefficient so everyone upgrades at more cost.
The last throw of a legacy industry.
I ditched the $1600 a year Satellite fee over a year ago. So I watch less sport but I watch better tv and I do healthy shit at weekends now and respond some of that saving watching the games with mates.
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Having to wait 6 minutes for an Uber to arrive.
FFS
Just realising that our secretarial support have booked me train tickets from Euston to Birmingham at 7:13 tomorrow morning but didnāt think to book from Cobham to London - 1st train out is @ 6am, and gives me a 10min leeway if trains / tubes are fucked. 
Just spent the last 3 hours traversing the M3, M25, M11 and A14. When will drivers fucking realise that they are obliged to drive on the left-most lane of a motorway rather than sit in lane 3 doing 65 mph ? I even flashed one arsehole over from lane 3 (as lane 4 was rammed with tossers in BMWs doing 90) and he even pulled back out behind me after Iād gone past and pulled right over to lane 1. Lanes fucking 1 and 2 are empty you jackass ā¦
And breathe ā¦
What is up with Lego nowadays? I used to like Lego! You had a bunch of standard blocks and make whatever you like using your Imaginations.
Now you get a load of custom bits and an Instruction Manual. Here you go! Sit for an hour and slavishly assemble this fire engine. Where is the fun in that? I couldāve got a much better & cheaper toy fire engine, if Iād just fkn bought one.
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You will beback on Meccano soon proper engineering toys 
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Yeah FFS, that used to be called Airfix back in the day and you got to make a mess with glue (snort) and paint and piss Mum off.
I blame that bloody Lego Movie.
Bought time they brought out the Hornby Movieā¦
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You got that new construction job then, @bearsy ?
ā¦ either that, or the world-wide stag tour isnāt as wild as I imagined it might be.
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Those qatari stadiums arenāt going to build themselves
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And it was the stopping train. Got there at 9:20, about 5 mins before everyone else. The ticket cost Ā£15 so I should be pleased budget wise! I could have had an extra hour in bed for another tenner ffsā¦
Day actually turned out ok. Beer from midday and poured myself onto a fast train to London. Might be home about tennish just in time for bedā¦