Going on from football, the World Cup wouldnāt be the World Cup without Messi there 
FFS itās a team game, if his team isnāt good enough to qualify then tough shit. As it is heās scored all of Argentinaās goals for the last 11 months.
Donāt get me wrong Messi is a great player but football doesnāt owe Messi a world cup
Itās a pity we wonāt be seeing the US flag in Russia, I was looking forward to kneeling through that anthem.
No doubt Trump will tell us they have qualified and itās fake news.
But finish behind Panama, Havana, Toytown and Narnia and you donāt deserve to qualify.
Waking up desperate for a peeā¦ but the morning glory is like you have consumed 40 viagra
(pissing all over the walls and floor is not an option)
Keep a toffee hammer by the bed - or a photo of Katie Hopkins pouting.
Or stand on your head to have a pee. Iām sure that would work just fine.
Wouldnāt that be a bit painful and youāre assuming he has a large manhood too 
Hold a tray above your head and redirect the stream back into the bowl
I am liking the practical nature of the responses - seems I am not alone. Any further ātipsā appreciated
Get a catheter - problem sorted.
Use a condom
Giving the Ayatollah a lift to the station this morning and then getting a call to say she got twatted at lunch time and will be late. Fine.
CB opens a crozes hermitage and spend a convivial evening in his own company trying to compile the ultimate late 60s / early 70s playlist.
phone beeps
The Ayatollah needs meeting at the station and walking home. She is also suggesting we stop in to the pub and have a couple of pints,
Now this would not normally be an issue except I have 10 hrs of board meeting tomorrow and have to be on my A game
Iād recommend extra strong rather than feather light - you donāt want it to split.
Board meetingās or Bored meetings like I have?
A game is MIA
Also concerned about the whereabouts of the B, C and D games
When it is mid October and yet the humidity here is still at the it would be cooler in a sauna level.
And your mate decides to have a birthday party in the outdoors part of Barasti.
Then moans when you say farewell at 10pm.
My shoes are STILL soaking wet inside this morning it was so bad he couldnāt even get selfies as the phone camera lens were all steamed up.
#globalwarming
Should be cool by now
At least a month later than usual.
Next time just think of me cupping your balls.
Happy to help.
EDIT: unless thinking of me is what caused the āproblemā.
Its still so humid that the sunscreen doesnt stick and youre covered in puddles of white stuff.
On a public beachā¦
The last time I saw puddles of white stuff on a public beach was when I took a shortcut back to the hotel through the āadultā part of the dunes on Gran Canaria.
Was it Bletch you saw?
Thats normal at what was Russian beach or even Ajman beach club.