Sourced from Daily Echo article
Saints legend’s remarkable confessions: “I planned to drink myself to death”
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SAINTS legend Claus Lundekvam has revealed how he booked a one-way plane ticket to Brazil where he planned to ‘drink myself to death’.
But he ended up missing the flight due to a drugs binge - and he knows that probably saved his life.
The popular Norwegian - who made over 350 appearances in a 12-year Saints career - has spoken candidly about all the problems he suffered once he had called time on his playing career.
The former St Mary’s skipper, now 43, admits he got addicted to cocaine and alcohol.
As raging paranoia took a grip, Lundekvam would prowl the bushes at night with a knife, convinced that paparazzi were spying on him. He also removed all the light bulbs thinking they contained hidden cameras and even hid for hours in a cupboard.
Lundekvam has revealed all in a remarkable interview with former Echo reporter Graham Hiley in the latter’s brand new book ‘Saints and Sinners - Southampton’s Hard Men’.
In it, he freely concedes he went off the rails completely once his professional routine of training, matches and dressing room banter had finished.
“My wife left me along with our two little girls and I was left alone in a big house in Southampton so I told myself I was going to drink myself to death,” Lundekvam confessed to Hiley.
“At least that is how it felt. I was so low, I just accepted it. I booked a one-way ticket to Rio and had no intentions of coming back. I thought that was it, my final journey.
“I knew that in Rio I would find the things I wanted, a free flow of cocaine and lots of gorgeous women. That would have been fine by me. It wouldn’t have taken long. Luckily, I never made it. I would not have returned.”
Recalling his lowest ebb, Lundekvam added: “I was drinking myself to death – and I did not really care.
“I was so down and so depressed. I felt I could not cope without football. I missed the buzz and the adrenaline rush so I sought highs in other ways.
“I had had that rush of being competitive ever since I was a kid so when it was gone I made a few wrong choices and got addicted to alcohol and cocaine. It was very self-destructive.
“Being without that camaraderie is the hardest part about finishing as a player – and for me it turned out pretty badly.
“I turned to drink and drugs which was not good for me but eventually I got the help I needed. It is still something I deal with day to day.”
He added: “It was hard for me to admit I needed help and to admit that I was struggling without football. I had always been strong and I was not used to showing my feelings or being able to cry.
“That was my life for 25 years. I had been captain of Southampton and of Norway; I was supposed to be strong.
“It was a very, very hard thing to accept especially when your judgement is clouded by alcohol and drugs. The only way is to acknowledge you need help and just hold your hands up.
“It took me two and a half years to admit I had a problem which just comes down to ego. I would tell everyone that I was in control – but I was not. Not at all.
“I was so depressed. When you use that much alcohol and cocaine you get so paranoid. It turns on you and you become a liability to yourself.
“Pretty quickly I ended up as a physical wreck and one night I completely broke down. I started to cry in front of my kids. I knew I could not handle it any more.
“I had to accept I was not in control and that I had hit rock bottom. That was my turning point – and that was the start of my recovery. And I am still recovering now.
“It is something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life which is very hard and very sobering. I look at life very differently now.
“I was an extreme user and I hit rock bottom.
“You need to admit you have got a problem and are facing difficulties. It is not a short process; it takes years to adapt and I will never be completely free of it.
“But I am still here and still fighting. I am just so glad I never got on that plane to Rio.”
‘Saints and Sinners - Southampton’s Hard Men’ by Graham Hiley is published by Pitch Publishing and retails at £16.99.
Jimmy Case and Franny Benali will be signing copies at Waterstones in West Quay today (11.30am).
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