I don’t know whether to believe the words of a man who has just been done up by bletch, in python of all languages.
Hmmm I once did it with a lady on a ship in one of those recessed doorways you get on the open deck levels. It wasn’t for exhibionism though, both our cabins had spouses in them. We only got seen once by one of those ship stewards or offecers or whatever he was. He just walked past and didn’t even ask if we needed anything or having a nice voyage or anything! That’s part of his job!!
I don’t want anyone to think I’m a bit of a tart though. It was during my first marriage, and my first wife was a witch/devil kinda mutant thingy, so it doesn’t count against me.
3 Likes
Beltch: What sound does a dog make if you douse it in kerosene + apply a lit match?
Dog: Woof
1 Like
Did you know the sailor girl before the trip good morning saint or was it someone you met at sea?
Beltch: What do you call a dog wrapped around a tree?
Dog: Bark
Beltch: What do you call a woman who’s a bit of a dog?
Dog: Ruff
Beltch: What do you-
Dog: Oh, fuck off.
4 Likes
Originally posted by @Bearsy
Beltch: What sound does a dog make if you douse it in kerosene + apply a lit match?
Dog: Woof?
I recount this story with a due sense of reluctance. I am not proud.
Back in my early 20s, ms pap was telling me a harrowing story about a local stray dog. Apparently, they used to feed this dog when they were kids. It didn’t really belong to anybody. It was a community animal, beloved by many of the local children, but not all. One day, a group of older lads placed the dog into a box before setting fire to it. It was a very traumatic experience for everyone except the perpetrators, but especially the poor pooch.
My immediate response to this horrible tale (I am a dog person) was “I did not realise hot dogs came in boxes”. Like I said, not proud.
2 Likes
i gave thumb up for the puinchline pap, but the actual story made me v.upset fuck is up with those older lads?
I took a 10ft tumble off of a beach bar stool on to a dog once. It was the only soft thing I could have landed on (the rocks would have hurt). I was very drunk.
wtf is you sitting on 10ft high bar stools gb that seems asking for trouble even n.cortese don’t have them wound that high
Louise, are you flirting with me, or am I reading the signs incorrectly?
Again?
Hmm…or are you laying a trap for me?
You see, now you ask there is something you could for me, Lou.
But, if I name this thing - which any neutral observer would agree fits within your category of ‘anything’, I fear that our Internet friendship may well be tested too far, or that you might even call the pap-police.
Please give me some more parameters that I can work within.
Correction.
You had to go back later and get your pregnant dog.
ur gonna ask her to play scrabble, ain’t it
That’s brilliant, Bear!
I like this sort of word-play - a lot.
We need a thread where this sort of thing could live.
I’m on it.
FFS Bear.
Fuck knows, but there are some strange folk about, and kids can be particularly cruel when they’ve the physical attributes of an adult, the experience of a child and the morals of a polecat. Some people are just mental. We lived on some horrible estate just outside of Liverpool. Got out quick, like, but after we moved out I saw a feature on the road we lived in, basically saying how shit it was. The locals, proud of their infamy, arranged rubbish into letters designed to be seen from overhead, and evoke comparisons with the wartorn Lebanese capital.
Except the stupid cunts spelt it “Bay Root”.
Originally posted by @Tokyo-Saint
Did you know the sailor girl before the trip good morning saint or was it someone you met at sea?
Another passenger (Previously unmet) This is a bit worrying, you sound like you have inside info that you are hiding! LOLZ
Originally posted by @Ohio-Saint
Originally posted by @Tokyo-Saint
Did you know the sailor girl before the trip good morning saint or was it someone you met at sea?
Another passenger (Previously unmet) This is a bit worrying, you sound like you have inside info that you are hiding! LOLZ
Tokes is a gynaecologist?
It’s also an anagram of The Sileage - which seems to be more accurate as eagels don’t often dare to land here (they’d get eaten).
BTW Fowlly D, my perception is EASTLEIGH < BISHOPSTOKE < CHANDLER’S FORD
So I’m aftraid it’s Toke and Whitey Grandad (he of the other parish) that can look down on both of us.
Still at least I climbed out of Gosport.
Originally posted by @Goatboy
Tokes is a gynaecologist?
Careful bro, tokyos is a touchy cunt when it comes to his job
3 Likes
The rumour that was doing the rounds about Kyle Walker’s missus and the dog a few weeks ago cropped up in conversation in our house at the time. I told my missus of aforementioned scenario. Her response was not:
a. Some people need to be locked up
b. Eugh! That’s fucking sick
b. Why are you reading about that on a work laptop?
But, and it took me completely by surprise, her very first response was: ‘what type of dog was it?’ Like, depending upon the genetic heritage of the dog, that this situation was potentially OK. On reflection she realises that this was an inappropriate initial response (not so much that she didn’t pursue the story and discover what kind of lap(ping)dog it was - a pug apparently)
3 Likes