Originally posted by Sfcsim
Worked in Havant for 2.5 years with the skates, during our relegation season as well!!! The cup Final bit was ok, but downhill all the way.
nearly 11 years on and I would love to work there now!!
So good you wrote it twice
And you fucked up the quoting once
again!!
By way of offering a slightly diffrent and maybe unique perspective… I am not sure how common this sort of thing is or how representative it is of real fans v the neuron difficient… BUT back in 2004, Myself and Lindford Saint who had become acquainted on the old BBC 606 boardback in about 2002/3, had a reasonably friendly banter going with a couple of pompey posters.
One them was very good friends a Saints fan and asked us if we would be interested ingetting together to raise some money for the Neurological unit at Sounthampton Gereral. This was because his friend the Saints fan had tragically lost their son to a Brain haemorrhage… aged only 14, whilst playing football. He felt a group of Saints and pompey fans could do something to raise a bit of cash for a new charity set up in the lads name (Smile4Rich ) now Smile4Wssex.
Long story short, we did, managed to get kids from Portsmouth and Southampton schools to play some games, the clubs provided kits and Paul Walsh and Jo Tessom joined the day etc… cash was raised, was on 606 etc… organised by about 30 pompey and saints fans had met in club colours in a pub to make the arrangements… drink beer and play table football 
Anyway, this pompey fan thought would be even better to do something bigger and in May 2005 2 saints, 3 pompey fans set off on bikes from the Riverside Stadium in Middlesborough just before their prem match aganst spurs… 500 miles later arriving at SMS which the club at opened on the eve of the final prem game of the season against Man U -the game that sent us down.
It was the pompey fan doing this because of his saint friend that insipired us to raise £10k on this 5 day ride.
I only mention this because despite all the shitty Portsmyths that many of their fans seem to think are truths… there are many who are just ordinary fans… who care about their friends in whatever colours - ordinary normal balanced people.
Tis true.
And I had 12 years playing football with a mix of fans from both sides, with me usually in the minority.
Of the three pompey fans I count as friends, they cover the sensible half of the spectrum.
One is sensible, depressed and downbeat, one is likely to believe any myth he’s given…until I educate him, and the third likes to text me if Saints are losing.
But all three get drowned out by the cross-eyed, copper-stealing, toothless, sister-bothering, self-tatted, caravan-dwelling, heather-peddling, frothing at the mouth brigade.
Anyone on here go to Alan Kinight’s testimonial? That was an interesting evening. Dirty cunts.
Yes me and the then Mrs B (seemed like a good place for a date). Was one of the most memorable nights for plenty of reasons.
Watching Gunners v Bournemouth… think the funniest thing and most likey to wind up Portsmouth fans is the truth that Bournemouth are now our rivals - Portsmouth don’t even register gven their almost amateur status…
Yes it was. Beasent was telling jokes at the end while we waited to be released. The being released and the skates spent the evening smashing up their own shit hole.
Great result, but a strange choice for a testimonial. I am surprised no one said, ‘hang on a minute are you sure about this’. Hampshire police would advise against it for sure.
“That’ll do Jobi. That’ll do.”
All of this. Bricks flying, cars smashed, police running, was not dull for sure. But then they had just seen their team of Prem “stars” totally battered by hated opposition featuring Beasant (in full GK kit) and our rotund manager both playing in midfield
A truly wonderful, wonderful night! It could barely have been more awesome! 
Already enough to celebrate and then, in the deepest darkest depths of Division Four, this happens:
Hartlepool 1-2 Accrington
York 3-1 Portsmouth
(don’t now why BBC copy-pasta made them links like that, and can’t be fucked to change them)
A MASSIVE “Fuck You” to Bristol Rovers, Wycombe and Oxford for only drawing and failing to complete the perfect set of results, but other than these unfortunate slip ups – the fucking cheating skate bastards are now 8 points off the automatic spaces, and if they lose their game in hand away at Wimbledon, they could still even conceivably miss out on the play-offs, other results depending.
And that would be immensely funny!
Everyone around you picks up points, most of them three, and all you need to do to keep up, is win at an absolutely dire second from bottom York City side, who’ve not won a game in months. And you lose 3-1 and fuck it all up.
Thanks P*mpey for being so utterly shit, for providing such an endless catalogue of laughs, and being the gift that never stops giving.
Who the Fuck is Laughing Now you fucking cunts!
What a massive shame Wycombe didn’t manage to win, as that would have given them 66 points, just 3 points behind shytesmuff … and their next match is at The Smegadome.
This is in line to be the biggest ever cup final, until portsmyths next match, ever played in La Leaguega 2. They must be quaking in their boots at the thought of going to The Theatre of Breams (see what I did there?). The Hamlet of Sceptic Island is bracing itself for the 200000 or of the frothiest passionest supporters in the land to desend on it and spend upwards of 30 million quid on cheap beer, fags and lucky heather. Lets hope the officials are able to cope with the toxic mix of passion, sweat, stench of overflowing bogs and rancid fat, but most of all lets The Chairboys rip them a new one, leaving the fatpipes faithful to do what they do bestest … BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
A word of caution ahead of our visit to Villa Park, last night’s game should have been a stroll in the park for the visitors against a team doomed for relegation out of the football league… let’s not let complacency be our downfall!!
"Four games to fuck it up
four games to fuck it up…
Their slump since the 85min mark in the last game has been incredible.
Had they held that lead and then beaten 91st place York, they just had to win their game in hand to go up to 2nd in the division.
That must hurt.
C’mon Accrington!
This morning during my working activities, I encountered a client who later emerged to be a dirty cheating skate cunt. As you might expect, he turned out to be full of lulz (amongst other shit).
The full gamut of p*rtsmythonian lore was on show, and much to his bewilderment (he actually seemed to have begun to believe in his own shit) and disapproval, I couldn’t keep my amusement suppressed any longer, and actually laughed out loud at one point.
I was treated to the following gems during his seemingly well rehearsed (likely to convince himself before full recital) avalanche of bullshit:
- We don’t really care (honestly!) if we don’t get promoted. We’re in the most passionatest most realest league now with the realest most passionatest fans.
- Our support is truly the bestest in world football. It must be true, even Ronaldinho and Thierry Henry said that we are, and they would know, wouldn’t they, eh bro?
- We would beat Southampton even now if we drew them in the cup - because of our passion, they couldn’t compete against the desire of our fans. (WTF!?)
- We never really had the amounts of debt people said we did. It was part of a media campaign to destroy our club cos we got too close to threatening the established order at the top of the game, so the banks pulled their funding. (This is when I could no longer supress my laughter, having somehow managed to keep it in check until this point).
- (Becoming irate, defensive and boastful) We are completely debt free now, 100% owned by the fans, and a model of how a football club should be run. (the tears of laughter begin to stream from my eyes)
- (And the coup de grace) – Our fans are so passionate we could fill Wembley three times over when we get to the play-off final if we wanted, but the FL are biased against us and want to keep us down, so we will probably only get a much smaller allocation so we cannot get the advantage that a club of our size and stature in the game deserves.
Me: So you still have those same delusions of granduer that got you in to your current mess in the first place then, lol.
Him: (Bemused facial expressions) What!?
Me: You think your sad little run down pathetic excuse for a football club deserves special treatment and shouldn’t have to abide by the same rules as everyone else?
Him: (shocked that someone would dare to speak truth to his deluded ramblings) What!? Are you a fucking scummer or something!?
Me: Indeed. Born and bred mate. But it’s not just us. The whole country sees you for what you are. Emperor’s New Clothes mate. You can play dress up in all the imaginary fineries you like, but at the end of the day – your archaic rotten neanderthal little club is stark bollock naked, and everyone else can see it but you. P*mpey are nothing in the football world, and no one cares. It’s all just lies you tell yourselves to hide from the unbearable reality: that you are fucking shit. You are a laughing stock, and it’s pure comedy gold.
Him: Fuck off. You’re just jealous of us, our history and passion.
Me: Yeah, that’ll be it. Keep it right up mate, it’s priceless entertainment!
The thing that is so wonderful about this conversation, was that he was paying me for my “valued opinions” (as he termed them before the conversation turned from business to football)!
I’m not entirely sure that he’ll want to make use of my services again – but I can live with that.
It’s demented tossers like that who keep chucking fuel on the Takeover Saga bonefire - without their deluded rantings I would have nothing to do on long winter evenings.
Right, That’s it.
I’m sick of the lies, the duplicity, the hypocrisy.
The Old Blokes’ Kick-about players know this.
The people who’ve met The RaleighBoy at a matchday beers know this.
But now the truth needs to told about his true identity.
The RaleighBoy sells books, tattoos his body and occasionally messes himself.
That’s right.
The RaleighBoy is TCWTB.
RaleighBoy possibly is TCWTB but is he our RallyBoy twin exhausts pumping out hatred for the scum on the infected Isle?
So, tonight is a big night, for all who hate dirty cheating fish-fucking cunts. Which I’d hope accounts for most of you. 
The 1st Leg of the Fourth Division Play-Off Semi Final kicks of at Fatpipes Park at 19:45, and commentary is available on BBC Radio Solent, 96.1FM.
The cheating cunts have already managed to mysteriously have all of their Goalkeepers suddenly ‘unavailable’, and “emergency” loaned in Ryan Alsop from AFC Bournemouth especially for these Play Off games, who is a considerably better keeper than any they already have. Cunts. 
Anyway, time to become Plymouth fans for the night, and get behind the mighty Greens, as they aim to do us all a favour and stuff these horrible cheating cunts for us good and proper.
Fingers crossed for a favourable night’s work from the boys in green. 
