âA syntax error is when your code doesnât even compile â like typing farteach instead of foreach. Your machine screams like a banshee and refuses to produce a runnable application, let alone deploy one.â
Yeah, Iâm up for that.
farteach.
farteach. farteach. farteach.
What a load of shit. Doesnât work.
farteach.
I did have one on Jeremy Corbyn but I need to rewrite bits of it due to recent events.
The first council estates were built in the 19th century, with local bodies like the Liverpool Corporation ideologically and morally driven to provide alternatives to the inhumane slum housing of the time. The aim was simple: improve public health. For many families, moving into a council house was the first time theyâd had a toilet of their own â indoor or outdoor.
The deal was pretty fair.
The council would commission the building of new homes to meet demand. People would move in and pay rent, providing the council with a steady stream of revenue. Building houses was an investment, not a burden.
The one major downside? You could never own them.
If you werenât saving up for a deposit, you might remain a council tenant for life.
In 2025, some forty years after the policy that changed all that, people are literally queuing up to be council tenants for life. Itâs a far better deal than being prey to the private rental market forever.
Thatcherâs decision to allow people to buy their council homes at a discount was a piece of political genius.
It wasnât just retail policy. It was literally free money.
And who doesnât like free money?
The law said you couldnât buy your council house and immediately flip it â you had to wait three years. And for those first few years, things did look a bit better, depending on your taste.
You could always tell the homes that were now owner-occupied: uPVC cladding, new driveways, fresh porches. Meanwhile, councils â now starved of rental income â couldnât keep up with repairs. Many still canât.
Even so, theyâre doing more than the slum landlords who ended up owning many of these properties, charging three times what the council used to, for houses the council used to own.
These days, council estates are often derided as lawless no-go areas â which isnât true and speaks volumes about how far our thinking has shifted.
Originally designed to lift people out of poverty, council estates have been exploited by the unscrupulous to break up communities and keep the working class in poverty.
Itâs what Thatcher would have wanted.
Iâve decided to learn programming. So letâs try.
10 PRINT âfarteachâ
20 GOTO 10
Nope.
No-one uses BASIC anymore.
public string SayHello(List<Person> people)
{
if (people.Any())
{
return "Fuck off";
}
else {
return "Fuck off";
}
}
Britain is, more than most, a country built on its laws. We have no written constitution, so whatever constitution we do have is essentially the sum total of every law ever passed.
With this in mind, counter-terrorism legislation should be of particular concern.
If someone is accused of being a murderer, they will likely end up in a Crown Court, judged by twelve of their peers.
But from the 2000s onwards, if someone was accused of being a terrorist â murderer or not â due process often vanished. At its worst, it meant a bag over the head, zip-ties, and extraordinary rendition to Guantanamo Bay or its cheaper, non-union European equivalent.
None of this seemed unreasonable to a sizable proportion of the population, who didnât recognise the danger of creating a two-tier system of justice.
Call the author of this Almanac a bluff old traditionalist, but I prefer the orthodox practice of collecting enough evidence to convincingly convict someone.
In 2025, the UK government is attempting to proscribe a group called Palestine Action after they broke into an airbase and did some graffiti.
In the normal courts, this might be classed as aggravated trespass and vandalism.
If the proscription goes through, theyâll be designated terrorists â and subject to an entirely different body of law.
These actions are nowhere near the scale of actual atrocities committed by genuine extremists.
Thereâs no equivalence â just a label that denies the defendants a fair trial.
This is why counter-terrorism powers are so dangerous.
These actions are nowhere near the scale of actual atrocities committed by genuine extremists.
Like Netanyahu
And previously, on a lesser scale, by Hamas obv
Iâm considering adding âfuck you, Taylorâ to the foot of the description. But thereâs CCTV everywhere here, just as Orwell predicted. 
There are plenty of times in work where employees are related or have worked together previously. This isnât inherently a bad thing â as long as theyâre good at their jobs, no one cares, and it can even add solidity to a team.
Itâs when people get hired because of who they know, not what they know, that cronyism rears its ugly head.
Cronyism is one of the most corrosive forces an organisation can suffer. The first casualty is the truth. Conflicts of interest cloud communication and create cliques â which soon become factions. Pretty soon, the plot of Game of Thrones breaks out, with people locked in internecine battles when they should be looking after business.
Hiring should always be about getting the best person for the job.
Cronyism is the art of hiring people to help you keep your job.
Until the inevitable effects of corporate sectarianism make you all jobless.
RIP Wilko 
Crysis is an infamously demanding PC game that still humbles modern hardware â to the point where your cutting-edge gaming rig starts questioning whether itâs actually just a pocket calculator.
Built on the CryEngine, made by Crytek, the name alone has triggered trauma in PC owners for generations. Itâs called that because it makes you cry about the state of your tech.
Crysis isnât played much these days, but itâs still finding utility. Some users have managed to heat their homes by ditching central heating and instead running Crysis on ultra-max settings on an under-specced PC.
The UN has since banned this practice within 100 miles of either glacial pole.
The dual use of Crysis has caused confusion among white goods retailers everywhere. Before people splash out on a new smart fridge, theyâve been known to enquire:
âBut can it run Crysis?â
The food never stays chilled when the answer is yes.
I have no clue what that is about
For such an extreme word, âcuntâ is surprisingly nuanced. Before racial slurs (rightfully) took the crown as the worst thing you could say, cunt sat at the top of the linguistic naughty step for decades. In some parts of the world â particularly in racist corners â it still does.
In the north of England, the word retained its explosive power long after the southern English had started tossing it around with casual affection. Down south, cunt not only comes with positive connotations â itâs also been verbed.
Itâs worth remembering:
Half of humanity has got one, and most of humanity came out of one.
So why is it so rude?
Nobody really knows.
Maybe itâs taboo because it refers so bluntly to female anatomy, and the patriarchy just couldnât handle that kind of power. Maybe itâs the hard âkâ and punchy âtâ. Or maybe, like all great swearwords, it just sounds exactly like what it is.
But hereâs the truth:
If you can use it with affection, or weaponise it with flair,
you might just be a poet.
And a cunt.
On Sotonians is a word of acceptance. Thought you knew you cunt. 
Donât forget that it is the precursor to any drunken post on here
Cunts
copyright Bletch
It never used to be - in the 14th century it was a perfectly acceptable term for the vag an bit like fanny is today. Chaucer sprayed it around liberally. - It was probably the Victorians that ruined all the fun
I think ig may be linked to Red Dwarf, Season 11 Episode 5 - Krysis which by some parallel universe random ness I watched last night
It involved a robot - Kryten - having a mid life crisis.
Now I see even more of the jokes.
(They met Universe to solve the issue. Uni is of course a sentient being)
Hth
