WTAF?
My brother got tickets like this for a Chelsea Saints game a few years back. I’d like to say he was surprised and delighted to end up sitting right next to Robbie Williams but actually he just got fucked out of his brains on the free booze and took the roaring piss out of the chubby ex-Take Thatter for the whole game.
I used to get top hospitality invites to Chelsea because I knew the chief exec (he started just before the Abramovich era). Got to sit with some of the directors, injured players etc. Fab food and free booze of course.
Gratefully, I openly supported Barcelona, Bolton, Valencia and of course Saints in the matches I was invited to. Strangely, my invites completely dried up. 
I had an epic invite to Emirates hospitality for the WC in Germany. I was already going to UK, they cancelled my BA Ticket & sent me 1st class on their plane. I got Gargantuaned.
Did my meeting, Easyjet to Berlin. Limo to boutique hotel. Got Gargantuaned.
Game dat Brazil v Croatia corporate.
Seat in front of me was Sepp Blatter. I largely talked Saints & corruption all game. I got a stare from Sepp at HT. One of my most treasured football memories.
Fvck knows what the score was. Nicked an A380 model on way out like everyone else.
Next day, train to Hamburg. 1st class home.
We all got given goodie sports bags. Business class challenged us to a game. I scored with a diving header deflected off some German passengers dinner plate.
He demanded to get the email address of the VP of Emirates.
He walked over, apologised for his cross to me being too low & upgraded their whole ticket.
Oh how we laughed
Burnley 1 up after 2 mins against Everton.
And now Delph has gone off injured after 25 mins.
12.30 ko. Could have had 5 subs on by now.
I blame Des Kelly and that selfish cunt, Chris Wilder.
Calvert-Lewin equalises in time added on… HT 1 - 1
Yay! FPL points again!
I had low expectations for Burnley Everton, and they’ve been well met.
I’m shivering on the terrace waiting for Eastleigh v Maidenhead to start.
Great to be back, but I wish I’d put on warmer socks.
If the BBC could see fit to have Eilidh Barbour permanently take over final score from Jason Mohammad I’d be very grateful.
2-0 to City v Fulham,
2nd one a penalty from KdB after the tiniest of contacts on Sterling…
Amazing effect that little tap on his right leg had…what are the odds of hitting the “retract undercarriage” button…amazing. 
I’m getting heartily sick of these “top” players leaping to the ground when someone breathes near them in the box. Citeh are going to win this comfortably anyway without the cheating, they’re a far better side than Fulham, does sterling really need to react that way?
…oh, sorry, it’s sterling I’m talking about. Forget I spoke, of course he does. 
It needs a brave ref to look at the replay and say, “Yes he did brush your right leg but because you lifted you left leg, that wasn’t touched, I will give you 1/2 a penalty.
If in another incident he touches your left leg I’ll give you the other 1/2 and you can have your penalty. In the meantime I’m booking you for simulation. If in the process of winning the other half, you also lift your right leg, I’ll give you a second yellow…I hope that’s clear”
Good game so far? Lots of goals?
Even colder. Maidenhead on top though Eastleigh missed easiest chance. Please stop raining by the time I cycle home.
I know. I just find the play-acting slightly depressing.