What if Blondie had hung up?
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What if Beethoven hadnt budged?
What if Townshend was a paedo?
What if Tommy had been born with thalidomide as well as being deaf, dumb and blind?
What if Clapton’s misses had looked like a right old munter that night?
What if Phil Collins wasn’t a massive cunt?
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What if Eleanor Rigby had had 500k followers on Twitter?
What if the Hokey Cokey really is what it is all about?
What if Brittany had only done it once?
What if the Loving Spoonful and 10cc all had vasectomies?
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What if Chris De Burgh’s wife had gone to her wardrobe that night, only to find that some cunt had nicked her red dress? 
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See the thing is, I wish this had actually happened - because that heep of vomit inducing fuckwit cunt of a song should never have been penned. That and the cunt De Burgh being infected by some excruciatingly painful cock disease and maybe there would be more harmony in the world.
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Hell hath no fury like a spurned fan…I still think he should have signed your autograph book.
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What if Gene Pitney had forgotten to put his clock forward when he was on his way to Tulsa?
What if Diana Ross & Supremes partners were all suffering with premature ejaculation?
What if ISIS invented a sound swallowing machine that deprived the world of music?
What if Madonna could remember that far back to recall what it was like to be touched for the very first time?
As long as they took that cunt De Burgh, I would not mind
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What if B&Q were all out of yellow paint when The Beatles built their submarine?
And what if Keith Flint had misplaced his perfectly rhythmical remedy?
What if you all weren’t so cynical and took just a second of your lives to appreciate the artistry of Messrs Flint, De Burgh et al?