Nearly over... Day 25 in the Sotomians Transfer House Sag

It’s Day 25 in the House

Pap’s scrotal sac has never been so clean. Possibly due the fact no one has taken a dump in 3 days. A combination of diet induced constipation and the fact the toilet is severely compromised. Areoles was the last to use it and his arse must have literally exploded. As if shit were wet shrapnel from a tightly packed bomb, its caked on the walls, floor and ceiling following a spectacular ending to the aforementioned constipation.

He is now without any friends in the house as he refuses to clean it having said ‘I have to deal with enough shit listening to Barry spout Bollocks without adding to it…’

The house mates are getting desperate. Bearsy has already taken to the woods.

Meanwhile, Fatso’s world record beatng continuous masturbation attempt has come to an end. The ferocious activity has had the inevitable impact and he now walks funny and is whimpering. Bletch and CD have offered to apply soothing oils.

Soggy and Slowing are poking sticks at a dead cat they found close the the pool this morning - the only words exchanged so far being ‘what is it?’

Meanwhile Barry has returned to the diary room and recorded ‘’ Carrillon? Trust the stupid cunt Les to sign a player already bust before he plays for us, bet he gets fucking arrested for steeling the Monaco pension fund - stupid cunt’’


Sotomians ?

Lost the use of the brian then @areloa-grandee

It’s pronounced. so -toe - my - anns. An estranged sub spiecies that have devolved lower IQs and brain function than regular Sotonians following excessive use of the Internet forums and masturbation

I am going to miss these when the window slams shut.


Me too. I feel like a real life soap star. CD


Fret not. Once we’ve got the web cams and live feed set up you can feel that way all day every day.

What do you mean “when”?


Recorded before dawn- outside by the pool, Slowy and Soggy are contemplating the meaning of it all (with apologies to Samual Beckett)

Waiting for Transfers ACT 1

Soggy: Let’s go

Slowly: Yes, let’s go

They remain motionless, still clutching the sticks form this morning, but their enthusiam for poking the dead cat has wained

Soggy: We wait. We are bored. (He throws up his hand.) No, don’t protest, we are bored to death, there’s no denying it. Good. A diversion comes along and what do we do? We let it go to waste… In an instant, all will vanish and we’ll be alone once more, in the midst of nothingness!"

Slowy: its a dead cat

Soggy: True, but it could have been more


Soggy: so much more

Slowy: true


Slowy : Let us not waste our time in idle discourse! (Pause.) Let us do something, while we have the chance! It is not every day that we are needed. But at this place, at this moment of time, all mankind is us, whether we like it or not. Let us make the most of it before it is too late!

Soggy: poke it again

Slowy: why


Soggy: because it might not be there tomorrow

Slowy: would it matter?

Soggy: does anything matter?


Slowy: I dont know


Slowy: Why are we here?

Soggy: Why are we here? , that is the question? And we are blessed in this, that we happen to know the answer. Yes, in this immense confusion one thing alone is clear. We are waiting for Fatso to come


You see Sogs and I are deep thinkers.

Everthing is not as it seems…life is just a sneeze in the infection of time…there is no reason to it all…a dead cat or a soaring Raven fallen to earth…spent from the interminable quest for truth.

As you grow older all will become clear…I know the hidden identity of all posters but who they are is of no consequence…they are but Carbon under the fingernails of an infinite universal tortoise.


Ah…Waiting for Fatso.

Fatso never comes. He’s seen a doctor about it.


I find it helps if she is making a lot of noise. And I mean a LOT of noise. Like, wake the neighbours noise.

Maybe tell Mrs. Fats to dial up the volume?

Phil Neville: “Or start hitting her.”