People often don’t understand the difference between wound and injury.
A wound is damage to living tissue caused by a cut, blow, or other impact, typically one in which the skin is cut or broken.
Whereas injury played with The Blockheads
Man walks into a cafe and looks at the menu.
Cheese roll 10p
Ham roll 20p
Wank £10
Then he sees a beautiful young woman who works there with a lovely body and huge norks, and asks. “Do you give the wanks?”
“I do” she said. He says “Well wash your hands, I want 2 cheese rolls”.
Walked into the living room, the telly was on but the wife was reading a book.
I asked “why have Loose Women on if you’re not even watching it?”
She said “I put it on for you, it’s Football Focus.”
I dropped and broke a glass in the kitchen and shouted to my wife to come and help clear up.
She said she was coming with a broom.
I said there was no hurry, she could just walk…
Can’t understand why I’m in the doghouse.
This transvestite activist group has been holding me captive so long now that it’s become second nature for me to wear a dress.
I’ve got Frockholm Syndrome.
When I first saw those TV ads for a “Virgin Experience”, I thought they were selling brothel vouchers.
Apparently the man who took Ryanair to court over his missing luggage has lost his case.
Happy New Year.
My wife phoned Marks and Spencer to complain about her new bra.
They’re putting her through to Customer Support.
During her upcoming world record attempt, Lily Phillips will be wearing a Southampton FC shirt.
We’re used to getting fucked non-stop.
Not to mention a lack of clean sheets, leaky at the back etc etc…
You missed spilling it in the box
I had no idea what this meant, so looked her up. So, she’s gonna shag 1000 blokes in 24 hours. A quick bit of maths and i reckon each geezer will get just over a minute and half in her minge. So twice for most blokes then.
Anyone on here applied for a place? Would hate to be number 999.
We all did her previously as part of the 100.
Was a pain having to wear HiVis to get into the AirBnB though
Looks like you’d have to wrap the Hi Vis around the old fella to feel anything in that wizards sleeve.
Known in the trade as a “Katie”. 
… that John Player will be quids in. 
Have been thinking about this during lunchtime and am really starting to feel for the lads that pick out the deli counter numbers from 750 onwards.
She’ll even send a nice communication to your Wife explaining why she needs your help.
Allegedly
(And no. Cant afford the airfare)
And.
Hmm
Anyone know how to set up a GoFundMe?
You give me all the details of you bank accounts including online logins and we go from there.