Of course, in our elevated position, Lady Slowlane has heard that, Katie has given birth to an alien entity.
Pictures to follow.
She was wearing that at the last garden party Lady Slowlane and I attended at Buck House so I can attest that’s not a fake. Believe me. 
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Finally, the day has come to dress up in green, put on a silly hat and drink Guinness 'til I’m sick out of my nose.
Or as the Irish call it, Sunday.
I’ve invested heavily in a new business raising beef cattle on marijuana instead of grass.
The steaks are high.
My girlfriend left me because I had an obsession with pasta.
I’m feeling cannelloni right now.
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My dad always said “when one door shuts, another one opens.”
He never did sell that Skoda.
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5 ants rented an apartment with another 5 ants
Now they’re tenants.
This has to merit a ban, surely.
My Mum said to me, “You’re growing up too fast for an 8 year old.”
“Stop complaining,” I said, “and bite the pillow, bitch!”
(not one of mine, unfortunately.)
I saw this the other day and nearly posted it but felt it was a step too low for me.
My circus’s top clown died suddenly, and I need to find a replacement.
Those are some large boots to fill.
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There’s a warning on my packet of Walkers Ready Salted saying “not to be sold separately.”
Which explains the single crisp inside.
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It is just before Man City Vs Man Utd in the FA cup final at Wembley.
Haaland goes into the Man City changing room to find all his team mates looking a bit glum.
“What’s up?” he asks.
“Well, we’re having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it’s important but it’s only Man Utd. They’re shite and we can’t be bothered”.
Haaland looks at them and says “Well, I reckon I can beat these by myself, you lads go down the pub.”
So Haaland goes out to play Man Utd by himself and the rest of the Man City team go off for a few pints. After a few jars they wonder how the game is going, so they get the landlord to put the TV on. A big cheer goes up as the screen reads “Man City 2 - Man Utd 0 (Haaland 5, 10 minutes)”. He is beating Man Utd all by himself!
Anyway, a few more pints later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers “It must be full time now, let’s see how he got on”. They put the TV back on.
“Result from Wembley Stadium “Man City 2 (Haaland 5, 10 minutes) - Man Utd 1”(Bruno Fernandes 89 minutes)”.
They can’t believe it, he has single handedly beat Manchester United!!
They rush back to the Stadium to congratulate him. They find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sat with his head in his hands. He refuses to look at them.
“I’ve let you down, I’ve let you down.”
“Don’t be daft, you beat Man Utd all by yourself. And they only scored at the very very end”
"No, No, I have, I’ve let you down…
I got sent off after 12 minutes!”
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