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Following my Brookside research, and in classic Richard Herring style, have remembered that I really fancy Lindsey Corkhill.
Claire Sweeney less so.
Chutney Rib : Battery Sergeant Major Tudor Bryn “Shut Up” Williams. Shouts a lot, occasionally gets angry. Very occasionally gets very angry. Ultimately just wants everyone to work together and to get on and tries to achieve this by telling people to SHUT UP!
Bletch. Bearer Rangi Ram. Wears odd clothes, talks a lot, not much of which makes sense but occasionally comes out with a gem of transcendental wisdom. Dictatorially enforces a hierarchy that simultaneously gives him power at the same time as making him a serf. You Ruddy Fools.
Flyd Owl. Jonathan ‘La-dee-daa’ Gunner Graham. Is Hughniversity heducated,effeminate as fuck, plays football wearing glasses, plays an instrument which has earned him the moniker of the Camp Musician.
’Slowlane. Colonel Charles Arthur Digby St John Reynolds. The forum paterfamilias, well travelled, thinks that life is hard even though he’s got it easy because he does fuck all. Doesn’t live in the real world, has too many miles on the clock and drives a Beetle.
Bazza. Punkah Wallah Rumzan. Spends most of the day pulling people’s strings. Nobody can understand him for 99.2% of the time but once in a while he shares some real insight (Narcos).
SO5 : Gunner ‘Atlas’ Mackintosh. Big bloke who you’d like to have beside you in a ruck, but you know that most of the day he wears makeup and probably secretly wants to touch you intimately. Also drinks too much Jack Daniels.
Halo Stickman : Captain Jonathan Tarquin “Tippy” Ashwood. Don’t see enough of him, but when you do you could listen to him all day long…sounding idealistic and like he’s from a bygone era. You know that when he’s not On Camera he’s probably having tiffin.
Stevesintoponies and Cobber : Gunner ‘Nosher’ Evans and Gunner ‘Nobby’ Clark. Essential cast members, agitating for bigger roles but are still developing their schtick - find themselves typecast as Thick and Thicker (not sure which is which), but they will get their own back in series 3…
Lord Duckhunter : Bombardier “Solly” Solomons. The calm, voice of reason, eternally trapped in 70s sitcom world. Politically correct and the token “Jew” that pap keeps around so that people don’t accuse Sotonians of being antisemitic. Also wanted to exit after the first series so was demobbed into internally-focussed obscurity.
Mr Tambourine. Gunner ‘Parky’ Lovely Boy Nigel Parkin. pap’s favourite (Tory). Young, idealistic, ambitious but thick as shit and crap at everything (No offence), probably the lovechild of a liaison between the site owner and a famous female Tory prime minister.
Bristol Saint Ted Maul : Char Wallah Muhammad. Wanders around all day, usually singing (PJ Harvey) to himself until someone loses it and tells him to Shut Up!
Intiniki : Gunner Gloria Beaumont. Waltzes around the place pretending to be a woman who doesn’t like football, but we all know she’s secretly one of the boys.
papster. Gunner “Lofty” Harold Horace Herbert Willy Sugden. Um, can’t really think of any physical similarities but they both like whispering ‘grass’. Shhhhh.
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I’m really not sure which is more worrying about that last post by Beltch.
The fact that he could come up with such detail of all the characters of that TV Show.
Or the fact that I remember them all now he’s reminded me.
PLEASE tell us that Netflix has the show on Re-run and you don’t remember all that from the 1980’s repeats…
The Bond Channel down here had given me the idea of a Bond list, but 1) I couldn’t compete with that and 2) everytine I tried to come up with a list frm Bond I ended up with Craigs List and that just brought up images of Bears
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I never made the Ain’t half hot hit list 
Not even as Punkah Wallahs, or Chai Wallahs - heartbreaking
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I actually had the idea in my mind around a couple of obvious picks (pap as Lofty, cough, cough) but had to do quite a bit of research.
The Sergeant Major character has to be one of the best in British sit-coms.
I have to say that, PC concerns aside, I really enjoyed the reminiscing.
I wish we could still take the piss out of Asians without the sandal-wearing, mung-bean-munching liberal elite looking down their noses at us.
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It’s fine. They love it in the Indian when you use a comedy accent when ordering.
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Hey Bletch, if you like It Aint Alf Hot Mum you’ll love this other little-known sitcom that ITV made.
It was called Love Thy Neighbour, it was fucking hilarious, and when you look at it now, it’s really stood the test of time.
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And if you get bored of that, Mind Your Language is a belter.
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Jim Davidson is probably on tour as well.
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with the Black and White Minstrels.
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If Sotonians were Austin Powers:
Austin Powers: Bletch, of course - who else could it be? Yes, he’ll need a wig, and he’ll certainly have to tone down his dress sense, but other than that he’ll be just fine.
Dr Evil: Bletch again, naturally. Not only does this sticck with the original casting, it’s an easier role for Bletch to play. No wig required, so he can retain his natural look. Clothes could be a problem, but I think he could be persuaded that the Kim Jong-Un look is really in this year.
Mini-Me: you probably all thought I’d be casting pap here, but that would be very wrong. No, it’s Bletch once again. The resemblance is extraordinary. The camera could make Alan Ladd a leading man (with the help of a box for him to stand on here and there), so it can shrink Bletch every bit as effectively as ice-cold water shrinks the scrotum.
I’m sure Bletch was hoping for Lou, but the part of Miss Kensington will be played by either pap (or possibly by me in my 1978 guise). pap will be able to keep his glasses on, though he’ll need to have a good shave.
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Pap 
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Yeah baby!
Fat Bastard : Toke (he’s scotch too)
Big Fat Bob : Random Task - Shaped like an oxo cube and is strong and silent. Also is a sex offender in real life.
