If Sotonians ran nightspots


Admit it; you’ve all thought of running your own nightspot. Some of you will have been inspired by the likes of James Barton, famous for creating a club empire in real life. Others will recall the glamour of gangsters running nightspots as cover for legitimate business. Some of you will have simply been to Popworld, thought “fuck this for a game of soldiers”, then “I could do better than this”.

I suspect you could, but I wonder what sort of sin centres you’d all settle on.

For example, I could see @saintbletch opening what he hopes will be a Brewdog competitor, but eventually running a place known to the locals as “Shandyleer”, so dubbed because the strange-shirted proprietor is known for getting whammed on a can of Bass and spending the entire evening furtively ogling the talent*.

What sort of joints would other Sotonians spark up?

* I know, bletch. None taken, right :lou_wink_2:

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I think stereotypically it would have to be The Saints Pub serving decent ale and a floor show of a topless go-go dancer as they did on Thursday nights back in the '70s. It would also be an Indie Disco of course in between good quality live bands.

If I’m successful with the Euro Lottery, I’m prepared to make it happen.



Is this where they have a crack den as the shopfront, with a high-quality DIY store cunningly concealed behind it?

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I’d like to open a nightspot called WordBores. Entry would be restricted to those who could offer an acceptable definition of a part of speech to the Oxbridge-educated bouncers; all others would be denied entry. Inside, punters would find a plenitude of excellent food and drink on offer, all of it listed using cryptic and/or angrammatic methods. Free drinks would be awarded to any customer who can come up with a truly original piece of rhyming slang as part of their order.

A typical exchange between bouncer and would-be customer might go: “You’re not coming in here till I get a proper definition of litotes, you cunt.” An order such as “I’ll have a glass of the old Uri please” might well be rewarded with a free glass of a north Italian red wine.



They would be in Derby.



I thought Black Cellar was, originally, a German white?

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I think most of this footage is taken from New Yorks and McCluskeys in their heyday.



Only old fart down here who could possibly open a Nightclub would be Eric. He still works shifts so is used to being up late at night.

Me? I’m ready for bed by 10pm these days



Voted up for getting the right Uri, and I’m sure you know full well what the wine is too. :lou_sunglasses:

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Nope. Never. But now you mention it…

…mine would be similar to Upstairs@TheAlfred on matchdays about 10 years ago. If you’re going to run a den of iniquity then you might as well populate it with saggy boobed two bit crackwhores from St Marys. I want people crawling, blinking into daylight at 6am feeling wlike they’ve spent 8 hours in a modern day Sodom and Gomorrah.



Mine would be a private members club, so exclusive that nobody would know where it was, or how to join…just how I like it.

What’s the old phrase? “Hell is other people…”




I’m bumping this thread because I’ve had a @Barry-Sanchez inspired idea.

The spot will be called “Derby Derby”, a slight riff on the defunct Southampton nightspot “New York New York”.

It’ll be a Mega City One style structure, containing exact replicas of all of Derby’s famed night-time venues in one towering self enclosed structure, saving the south coast the bother of driving to the East Midlands to sample the delicacies, featuring better sea views than the Derby originals.

It won’t be in Southampton itself (Botley way, I hear), but it’ll obviously be the UK’s premier night spot.

I am planning to contact Baz to see if he can get the in-laws to release some of the Nazi gold to fund this venture.



2 years later and I still think this is the way to go, even more so…



Not sure how I missed this thread. After a visit to Malia in early 2000s (@pap you may have been to similar places of your infamous trip) in October at the end of season I really enjoyed the bars showing dodgy copies of films on large screens. I don’t really go to the cinema (often too loud or extremely cold) and found this far more chilled out way more preferable. I think there are now places doing this. I should have tried this at the time.

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Cool thread.
I’d call mine ‘Dimestores and Bus stations’ and you would only be told where it was if you could correctly tell me where the name comes from.
The joint would serve exotically sourced drinks by fine women from varying parts of the globe but punters are banned from being hipsters, plastics and muscle men.
So basically it’s a fine establishment for the salt of the earth



I’m in, but we need a wèekly karaoke night



It was, it has been, it is. Cheers, wish I could invite you, but, you know :wink:

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This is desperate posting of another level…



To quote the master. :joy:




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