So you dumped me and last night I was upset about it.
Well in the cold light of day I’m not too bothered, I’m over you, because it was never love, it was just a holiday fling, a fumble on a foreign beach, a shag under the pier - and now its over.
Yes the sex was cool at first but even that had become a plod, all faffing about and no end product, and let’s face it, we were going nowhere, it was obvious from our trips away.
But I carried on because it was easy, going through the motions, even though you pissed me about and messed up my weekends, I thought it might sort itself out.
But Europa, I never loved you.
Not like the FA Cup.
Even though she is old and past it, I still dream of me and her in an old folks home together one day.
But not you.
You were an obsession, something to lust after, but the reality was unlovable.
Sure we had some fun, but you are high maintenance - and you have annoying habits.
Why do we have to go out at five past the hour? Why only Thursdays?
I had to build my whole week around you - and your armpits are hairy, you leave the fridge open, and you put the toilet roll on the wrong way.
So on reflection I won’t miss you.
I’m not saying I liked being dumped, and I’m sorry for kicking off last night when you told me, but I think it will do me good in the long run - it’s for the best…
Thanks for our time together, I won’t forget it - but I’m not going to kid myself that I ever loved you.
goodbye.