It’s the start of a new Premier League season, and everyone is excited. Big Kat is in St Mary’s, counting her money, and hoping any last minute signings fall through. Arsene Wenger is taking selfies by the league table, trying not to think how it will soon change. Lovren’s wife is checking the fixture calender, highlighting Liverpool’s long away trips with a big felt pen.
One thing however unites us all, from the Kingsland Gentry, to the lowliest Bournemouth Chav. We all can’t wait to see Gary Lineker present Match of the Day in his underpants!
I don’t remember when I ever looked forward to something more! It’s like when I was sat in school assembly, and Gavin Henderson, two seats down, wet himself, and then they called his name to collect a spelling prize. It’s like that, but crossed with Christmas!
I hope they don’t fuck it up! Surely they can’t, but in the interests of everyone, here is my suggestions for the producers, to make sure it is the maximum lolathon that it deserves to be:
- Put a disclaimer out before the show starts saying something like, “The following programme contains scenes of a sexual nature, and may be upsetting to some viewers.”
b) Make no further reference in the show to why Lineker is in just his Pants. This is crucial. It will be much more funny if it goes unacknowledged, with potential to cause wtf in any bypassing viewer not familiar with the Backstory.
IV) Have we decided on a choice of pant? This is crucial! Lineker will no doubt be pushing for some kind of baggy boxer. This must not be allowed! I can see the appeal of a crusty, piss-stain, comedy Y-Front, but I think it will be best if Lineker wears what I imagine is his normal, everyday pant i.e. some kind of leopard print thong.
Whole show please! None of this first link only, then costume change to suit & tie. I wil be v.angar if that happens!
Surprise Lineker with a new feature which obliges him to Stand Up. Some kind of tactics board thing. Or one of those segments where he has to stand up and turn arse to the camera to interview Mark Hughes.
End the show with a massive, extreme close-up on Lineker’s cock-bulge. Hold it there for at least 3 mins, so I’ve got a chance to finish off.
What are you guise hopes and expectations for this watershed TV moment???