heroin to numb the
exquisite excrutiation he felt
after relocating to portsmouth
To be nearer to
his love his sister
and proper English education
The approved schools that
Oi !!! 
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The Story so farâŚ
[Episode One] â Barryâs Heavenly Excursion.
Once upon a time, Barry shone then died.
On arrival, St Peter, kicked off his sandals and cut his toenails; the clippings he placed (in) Paps arse for pumping.
Freud had (a) field day, where he left his castanets. âWhere are my Les Dennis nipple clips?â choked Buzz Aldrins daughter.
Hanging on the end (of Buzz Aldrinâs daughter), St. Peter tried to find an appropriate category to stick his halo; which was in need, as Halo is special. So says Mrs Halo, whoâs maiden name was Jones, which is lovely.
He found the perfect bed chamber for copulation and placed Halo there. A virgin for sacrifice, (an ancient heavenly custom).
Although well practiced orally, St. Peter was rehearsing for the return of Barry from his judgment; which as expected, he was looking forward to. Biting the pillow along with Halo, was likely.
They were soon joined, to hear Allahâs verdict, burn them in hell one option, purgatory another.
[Episode Two] â Allahâs Judgment: A Tale of Alien Anal Invasion and Profuse Bleeding.
Allah gave a suicide manual with lovely illustrations - called âBlowing The Infidelâ. Barryâs eyes started watering. Then he was howling âWho forgot the lubeâ as he blew his hash cakes, scattering flies and dung to the back porch, then left (to complete his sentence), heading back to Liverpool (the harshest of punishments). Keep your enemies closer then Stab from behind the velvet curtain (euphemism).
In the beginning was a gaping dark hole, which appeared empty but the light at the beginning of time was just Thomas coming down from his massive high. He had used Barry and left him broken - gagging, limping and sobbing. Deep in his cups the tears fell like steel drops from Llanwern, drops of metaphorical gism splattered and burnt the affair into his mind like immigrant Muslims exploiting (the) Horses of Ancient Troy. Riddled with alien diseases like Barryâs slack bumhole, it was presented to the world for probing. Barryâs arse was decimated. Contractile force all gone.
Slack Alice, his sister, looked on in anticipation â her dildo poised, ready to block the backflow. âWhat a whopper!â said St. Peter, looking down from above. âI wish I could explain my twisted reasoning, but it looks lumpy (well smooth it Delilah!), with nasty spiked protrusions that Cromwell used. Place your hand on the dirty, ragged old windsock shaft, and force it thick end first, up and firmly home. Ignore the profuse bleeding, (itâs) only blood, but mop the shit from his sweltering glutes.â
âUse caution if you buy Gumtree goods uncheckedâ, St. Peter wisely instructed, âotherwise your used dildo could be infected with mock shock indignation syndrome, which is highly embarrassing!â
** The Devil playfully tortured Sotonians, by sending Barry (with) an envelope containing anthrax masks to every member, (Halo had other ideaâs) but â âhating schoolingâ â fortunately Barry mistakenly sent the dildo (and anthrax masks) to the midget fetish lovers at TSW. (Enjoy, you miserable cunts!)
*** Latest Update *** (Please note the update begins from the two asterix ** above which complete the previous chapter)
[Episode Three] â 2500 calories, Texan Spit-Roasting, and a Prosthetic Scrotum:
The sandal wearing lefties could not believe their hand-crafted muesli had only 2500 calories per munch, designed to harm you, but Allah was delighted! But the PC Brigade were no match for Lou Lou my sweet, who, grabbing the dildo, ate too much pasta and was stuffed to capacity, forgetting her guitar and her fingering practice. She still sang until her country glands resonated, emasculating all males hearing. A large queue formed at the Tesco checkout when someone shouted, Lou - no likey no lighty.
As quick as a goat aroused by butter-nut squash, she flicked a finger at God, who asked, âwho, me?â â and flashed him her left testicle, as she flourished it from a hidden pouch within her prosthetic scrotum. Texans loved spit roasting anything and @LouLouMySweet was game for it. Texas Longhorns â they really know how to pretend to be intelligent. See GWB for example. But they elected Trump in his Ivory Tower, taking him to tusk - that back stabbing eurocrat - and Allah is pissed!
Lou wondered why she was coming back to the future so violently. But she yearned for the peace and serenity of nights without sex; just spooning, holding tightly, and never letting go. (Back in the heavenly realms) God was steaming, whilst draining the other vegetables and finishing roasting Bletch before stuffing an apple in Tokes willing mouth, while knocking back Thunderbird, two gearbox oil curdled with natural gas, and oodles of reprobates. (He did much worse in his Old Testament days, to be fair).
Meanwhile Allah was holding a seance in the pub down the road. Del Boy turned to heroin to numb the exquisite excrutiation he felt, after relocating to portsmouth to be nearer to his love (his sister), and proper English education: the approved schools that teach fish-fucking and incest.
Episode Four awaits the eloquent and elegant prose of your twisted mindsâ creationâŚ
Allahâs seance went badly.
âAnyone there?â He called.
wiping shit across Papâs
Suspiciously brown testicular sack
âAnyone?â âOi, mohamed, Whereâ
Is Lord Lucan, egg
heads will crack one
out on Carlton Palmer
No answer was forthcoming.