Fantasy Tory Leadership Game

This would just be a bit of fun if the winner wasn’t actually going to run the country for a while too.

So with a moderately serious slant I ask the question - who do you want to win and why?

Or perhaps, who do you not want to win and why?

Sorry I forgot to mention that selecting someone because they remind you of the late Margaret Thatcher (God rest her soul, RIP) is not a valid reason.

I’m talking to you Bucks and Big Horny Bob. You’ll have to find some other masturbatary matter.

Is there a None of the Above option?


With my sensible head on, I’ll plump for May .

She’ll offer some continuity and a modicum of Remain-leaning balance.

With my machiavelian head on, I’d go for Gove in that I think he’d rip the Tories apart and lose voters ahead of a nation election. Won’t happen though.

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Originally posted by @Dubai_Phil

Is there a None of the Above option?

Just vote Corbyn.

A quarter of a million people can’t be wrong.

Can they?

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4 of the 5 posts on your own thread. Think you need to fess up that it’s your fantasy you oddball.


Quiet, Bucks. If there’s one thing that bletch can count on around here. it’s the presence of fellow political oddballs.

The Tory leadership contest is very strange. For some reason, heir apparent Boris dropped out of the race after Michael Gove entered the race. We’ll probably never know exactly why.

May seems, unbelievably, to the best horse left with a chance of winning. Leadsom has seen her odds shorten, but I’m getting the impression that she is fairly lightweight. She’s never managed to hold down a ministerial job for more than a year, and has given some the impression that she’s talentless (but crucially, doesn’t know it).

Crabb is one of those weird Christians that hasn’t read the sign “The Christian Right is Neither”.

The agony of choice, eh?

Boris was very bright to find a way to get stabbed in the back. Read a very good article at the airport last week which basically stated that even Dave has played this very well.

Whoever wins is going to be the Leader who got screwed by Europe during what will (without doubt) be a protracted bitter and rip-off exit negotiation. A Leader faced with Nazis on the street and the UK one step away from a summer of discontent. Race Riots could be a real risk - Southampton scared away the skate muppets last week but that could quickly spread.

I’d called the current leadership race the “Race to find the next Neville Chamberlain” - very little chance of being remembered with anything other than contempt. At least Dave can always say “I tried to get the EU to see sense”.

Boris could not have pulled out on his own - that would have been the Farage Option - the running Coward. Instead he was the Victim of Dave’s revenge so gets to sit in the Stands and watch the show.

The ONLY hope Theresa has (for she will surely win it) is that Poland get their act together and lead the reluctant in a storming of Strasbourg or that the French Unions pull France apart over the summer. Failing that she will be relying on the less likely option of Germany’s Far Right & SDP parties uniting to kick Merkel out and set a path for Dexit.

Brexit is not the end game. It was the start of the Beginning.

Forget the Referendum & Project Fear. The EU was 75% Good and 25% a crock of stupid corrupt Gravy Train Shit. Just because the Brits are dumb and saw only Immigration, the rest of the EU knows it only exists to help Germany fuck over everyone else.


I’d like an outsider to emerge and come in on a ‘let’s review this whole EU thing that the previous guys suggested’ ticket.

They could then distance themselves from the previous administration and the Johnson/Gove camp, and report back from the Civil Service and pretend it’s news that to extricate ourselves from European trade and to rewrite our legal system could take thirty years and require the closing of hospitals to fund.

Having that distance they could then point out to the British people that it is such a dangerous idea that most of the people who supported it immediately stepped down because there is no plan, nor staff in numbers or of the quality required, to do it.

They could even if they really wanted, become the PM who announces a second referendum, this time based on fact, and clearly explained to the voters - in advance.

But I can’t see any PM of quality wanting to be at the helm of HMS Clusterfuck over the next five years.

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Political suicide.

Most of their own voters want Brexit.

Their own party is responsible for the lack of any Brexit planning.

Definitely a whiff of rearranging deckchairs on the Titanic about this one.

The Labour bros don’t seem to want that Corbyn guy, maybe the Tories should go for him? Otherwise, I think a younger manager who could bring the kids through.


It’s amazing how the field of candidates has been decimated, largely by themselves.

The Remain politicians find themselves on the wrong side of public opinion, certainly Tory opinion. The only high profile Remainer, Theresa May, is campaigning on a “Brexit means Brexit” platform.

That left the Leavers, or at least the ones left to us, to make up the bulk of the candidates. Boris is gone, presumably unseated by his deep dark past. Michael Gove is running, but there is anger among the Tory leadership about the Boris knifing.

We’re talking about a party that had a central office capable of making Zac fucking Goldsmith appear like a racist arse. This’ll be the same Zac Goldsmith who once had Imran Khan as a brother in law, and still counts him among his close friends.

It’s a corrosive clusterfuck of a party. I am surprised they’ve managed to get people as “credible” as they have.

I actually think this is the role of the Lib Dems in the next GE.

Stand on a ticket of ignoring the referendumB result and then hope to get a bounce and form a part of a coalition government.

But knowing the Lib Dems, they’d go on to negotiate the Remain condition away in forming the coalition - getting nothing but a sore backside in return.

I fear we are more likely to see a UKIP rise as the far right were very excited about Brexit.

Perhaps they could spin more towards the centre and claim a huge chunk of the Tory vote?

Exciting times ahead. :astonished:

jackkirby's avatarJack Kirby@jackkirby

If Stephen Crabb becomes Tory leader, will he call his heads of departments ‘The Crabbinet’?

it’s very difficult to play for one team and transfer to their rivals. If Corbyn made the move he’d be like sol Campbell, being booed and hatred by the labour fans. Although, to be fair, he is booed and hated now by the MPs. I agree with the idea of a younger, more progressive manager. Someone who can connect to the youth and get them voting while retaining all of the old and racist people. I believe John Terry would be available and interested.


If we are looking for someone who has experience managing underperforming millionaires who lack both intelligence and a grasp of their roles, I believe Roy Hodgson is available.

He also has Brexit experience.


the problem with Roy is that he’d probably end up playing Amanda Solloway in Bootle.

So explain that one to me, the Tory MPs that wanted to knife Boris because he upset poor Pig Fucker so much he had to throw his toys out of his pram (and breath) are upset with Gove because he knifed Boris!

Shouldn’t they therefore be backing Gove, the enemy of my enemy is my friend!!

Or are they upset with Gove because he did what they wanted to do but knowing them they would have backed out of any direct confrontational action anyway?

Or are the upset with Gove because he looks like Brains (from Thunderbirds) who has been left next to a Dyson heater for too long?