Day 28 Of The Transfer Saga: 'The Usual Suspects'

Day 28 Of The Transfer Saga: 'The Usual Suspects'


Its day 28 in the house and with the SOCO and forensics teams now having left the house, life is returning to normal. With only 3 days left of the Transfer window, despite a solid win against the potential Champions, Watford, talk has returned to potential signings some 15 hours after BTlooselips last gossip inducing insight.

Surprizingly, there is no mention of Areola. Its as if he never existed, seemingly having left no emotional mark on the house guests. Yet if thats the case, why was he killed?

Pap is lecturing the house on the imporatnce that players retain a good working class ethic-no room for middle class or public school toffs in the dressing room - with Grandee now gone, there is little argument.

Bletch removes the cucumber slices from his eyes and glares at him which cuts the conversation short. He replaces them immediately to his white cream encrusted face. His ‘face pack’ being of unknown kind or origin. CD is brushing Bletch’s flowing locks, but he has the look of a sullen teenager, as if it wont be long before is unwilling to do his masters bidding.

Slowy is reading - or attempting to read having been born at a time when only middle class children had clothes let alone went to school, a dickensian street urchin was his best hope as a boy, but long life and a stroke of luck had seen him elevate himself from his humble origins. Yet reading was still a struggle especilly without his glasses. These had been missing since Thursday monring.

Soggy is asleep, still in his pyjamas having got up, made a cup of tea sat down and fallen asleep, the tea now cold. He is snoring delicately with a thin sliver drul glistening first on his chin, then on his pyjama top

Barry is in the pool- a slow breast stroke ashe struggles with a 10m length. Bearsy is watching from behind the curtains in dorm room where the window opens on to the pool . The hole where the former head of Grandee found its last resting clearly visable.

Fatso is peeling an orange, for once neither of his hands near his genitalia, but its proving difficult to get any decent grip with his handie free hand. The sight of the bright red heaviliy soiled self pleasuring glove still causes Slowy to wince a little.

There is a sence of boredom, a numness and sence of utter futility

‘just what the fluying fuck are we doing here!’’ - exclaims Slowy suddenly - the house is startled, not used to such an outburst from the old guy

‘yes, what are…’’ Soggy tries to respond thinking it is merely and invitation to continue their obsurdist diatribe, but is cut off immediately as Slowly stands and now shouts

‘’ How the flying cunting fuck did we ever agree to be part of this?’ Locked in a house with the worst collection of fucktards known to man for 31 days… I mean for fucks sake ‘I’m stuck here with the incredible wanking man, that old tart and his young bitch, dirty bollocks, and that windup miserable fucker in the pool… and bunch of extra unknown and insignificant extras that say fuck all’’

The extra known as Rusty hole looks like he is about to say something but Slowly continues his rant

‘’ I mean for fucks sake what have I done to deserve this?’ He picks up his walking stick and throws it through the 48inch 8k display which makes a satisfying cracking sound

The others look on aghast ‘Cunt’ broke the fucking telly’’ exclaims Fatso then continues to peel his orange.

Pap holds up his hands ‘peace guys, pace. never know slowy had such a temper’


He is not the only one to notice. In the monitor room, DCI Boyo is also surprized by the outburst making a mental note to add Slowy to the list of suspects which started long and has so far failed to get any shorter. he looks down at his notes:

Motive: ?


Fatso - aka the fucking tug monster - no known issues with Areola, except Areola was getting fatter could he have posed a challenge to the self proclaimed king of lard?

Soggy - plays the dimwitted nilhilst, yet was quite vicious when it came to poking that dead cat

Barry - ? they have had their run ins, Barry suggesting Areola was not in favour of his life style choices?

Bearsy - nah, cant see it, guys a fucking fruityloop that dresses as a bear but does stare a lot

CD - not much known about him, too new to have formed the deep hatred for AG the rest must have felt

Bletch - the ‘butler’. but the real power behind the Sotonians saga - Boyo knew he had connections to the Russians and Sir Les Eton-Reed - something a bit fishy about that guy and his silk dressing gown

Pap - His prime suspect. The great Brexit and private school thread controversies were still fresh in the forum mind…yes There was history there all right

Rusty hole - the jealous type, not given a speaking role could well have tipped him over the edge

The extras; who?

Time was running out - he had better grab a copy of Ben Elton’s ‘Dead famous’ to find somefucking ideas.


Hmmmm…fuckin’ cunting twats the lot of you!..if it wasn’t for the offer of a free season ticket for next season in the Championship I’d have taken a quick exit like Areola. :lou_angry: