Day 27: 'The lonesome death of Areola Grandee

Day 27: 'The lonesome death of Areola Grandee


Its day 27 in the house and all the house mates are sleeping. They were returned to the house at 4.52 am, all having been interviewed by DCI Rhal. E. Boyo and his colleagues at the station in connection with the suspicious death of Areola Grandee.

Many areas of the house have been cordoned off by police forensics, but thankfully Areola’s body has now been removed, his fat yet perfectly formed arse no longer providing an amusing satire of a Henry Moore.

The empties from the Carol Lion signing session are still evident and the SOCO team are diligently bagging and labelling each empty, glass, and various devices that have obviuously been used for the intake of fluids, hoping they can make some sense of the the confused mass exchange of DNA that must have taken place on Thursday evening.

The Carol Lion signing was considered a good enough excuse to drink the months supply of booze. Only Barry remained sober, refusing to celebrate with the others preferring to focus on the lack of a mid field pacey winger. The KGB had apparently foiled Sir Les Eton-Reed’s attempt to reach Primrose Promes, the code name for a deep cover operative currently in training in the former Soviet Union.

The news from Moscow, whether fake or otherwise showed Primrose laughing at any suggestion he had a connection with the South Coast operations - ridiculling them as the worst unit in the world, which could not even get the champagne bar sorted for their elite members, and could ‘‘go poke a stickat a dead cat’’

This news seemed to cause a change in Barry. He stopped shouting. He first left the group to retrieve something from the dorm room before returning to the diary room where he appeared to remain. Bearsy was seen entering the room at approxiamately 02.37am on Thursday. The camera in the Diary room was switched off at 3am but they were not spotted on any of the autocams until they came out together on Big Bad Bods announcement on Friday morning. The ecordings from the 39 cameras also revealed nothing except that there is no footage of anything between 3.01 and 3.47am. When the footage returns at 3.48, it merely showed an orgy of depravity and drunkeness, and sexual bravado. The bodies of the housemates intertwined in a game of naked Twister - their explanatuion anyway. A bunch of young DCs are going over this to see if they can spot the rose tatoo and confirm whether Grandee was still alive when the cameras returned at 3.48. The pathologist said death was between 2 -4 am so this could be a piece of crucial evidence.

DCI Boyo is at a loss. His dim-witted sargeant and moronic ‘defective’ constable as he likes to call him, contributing nothing to the investigation. (This is useful as it means I dont have to try and weave in additional story or plot involving DS Kidd and DC Fylld and can lump thme in with the other unnecessary extras)

He is not happy, as this looks like a clusterfuck of a complex case involving, the Russians, Sir Les Eton-Reed, known to be a hard bastard - look how often he had fucked the Scousers with the useless heap of shit Lovehen- , a very dead naked bloke with his arse having been exposed to the world, a fat wanking man, a bloike with shit on his bollocks, two nililstic self muttering old farts, an aging queen and his ‘batman’, and a miserable bloke called Barry - thankfully the rest of the assembled cast appeared to be lowly paid xtras and therefore he would not have worry about any of them apart from the possibilty of one of the stupid cunts adding themselves to the victim list in the usual cliched way.

Oh and a stupid twat in a bear costume who just seemed to stare at things as not all there.

Yes, thought Boyo to himself, it was a cunt of case alright with only 3 days to solve before this collection of fuckwits would be scattered about the southcoast… and fuck knows how it will get solved, someone might a swell just be making this shit up as they go along


Having followed the plot in all of its intricate twists and turns, there seems to me to be one suspect - and one suspect only - for the horrible murder of poor Areola.

That man is, of course, William Zantzinger.


DC Flydd not so defective afterall - getting the not so subtle Zimmerman reference… sadly though William Z is not even in teh house so could not have been responsible… clues will follow…


Obvious innit, self inflicted suicide!


As the site butler, if this ends with "The butler did it* I will be very disappointed.


I think it was probably a tragic accident whilst watching @fatso pleasuring himself. Areola getting too close whilst Fats was furiously working on his 5th EJ of the day, his hand flew off the end and smote poor Areola on the temple, killing her instantly. :lou_sad:


Pleonasm! Well it’s taken almost 2 years but I’ve finally learned something from this site :lou_smiley:


The pathologist finds find a small scrunched up piece of paper with the letters W…a…t. f…o…r… on them retrieved from between Grandee’s buttocks… a possible clue?

Boyo feels he is fucked… no motivce, not suspect… yet


Fuck knows Bletch,who do you think I am, Agatha Christie? Aint got a clue yet1


Actually, that’s a tautology, but I’ll let it past this once.


thanks for pissing on my burning hot bonfire :lou_sad:


I must say Sotonians supply you with a much better pedant.


I haven’t even received my badge yet, let alone a pedant!