I will be enduring this game. I am dragging along a friend whose only stipulations are a) we drink lots of beer b) we go to a pub with a quiz machine.
It’s almost as if he doesn’t think the game will be much cop. Ungrateful bastard.
What time are yis out. Could meet up with myself and @goatboy at the South Western. It has a quiz machine, and a surprisingly relaxed attitude to non-standard cigarettes.
Self-flagellation with wired electric guitar. We must not like guitar music. We must not like guitar music.
Gently explaining to white, English speaking immigrants, that they’re not exactly getting the brown person experience.
Part-time job as scarecrow (Must bring own shirt)
Out early actually. But I’ve another couple to consider who probably won’t be arsed with the trek (or the potential dismemberment in the back of a tranny’s van)
Sorry. Transit van.
Anyway, is there any fucking team news?
Is Lemina back or what?
Actually a very good walk. You get to skirt the Itchen on the way in, which is nice. Could stop for an emergency pint on the way too.
right the first time sweetie
Sit silently weeping, cradling a shandy, staring through the windows into the middle distance, thinking “Eastleigh. Fucking Eastleigh. I’ve hit the cross-bar here”.
Grin maniacally on realising origins, thinking “Gosport. I dodged a fucking bullet there”.
Pass out as first molecules of shandy hit sinuses in gas form.
He was in Vvd’s back earlier this week so looked to have scored but for us?
No he’s out
Attend Brewdog Board Meeting to explain part in the failure of the “Southampton project”.
Fit @ant , your assistant in Project Brewdog, up with the blame for the dire location.
As @dubai_phil alluded to earlier, BellEnd Sports have fucked up and our game isn’t being shown Live out here … typically on a day when I’m not working, so it’ll be a trip down memory lane in the delightful company of Merry Davidton adn Adz Lolz on OS/Solent, armed with a few bottles of BrewDog 5am Saint and various Ringwoods offerings and desperately searching for a dodgy stream that doesn’t involve down loading shit or creating a membership
Not done this for an absolute age, so do we still post pics of Nuns and / or Muffins on SteveWeb ?
- Cower in terror as the Brewdog Board unveil a resurrected and unretired @furball from behind a velvet curtain.
" @ant You have been fingered for crimes I have heavily adapted or invented. Confess your guilt. Inform on your colleagues for their obvious and ongoing racism, which only my sensors can detect! You have 20 seconds to comply."
- Watch as @ant backs away from the advancing machine, while overhearing technicians in the background, feverishly banging at panels, try to switch it off.
“It’s never done this before”, one says.
“I can’t give you what you want”, screams @ant . “No one can!”.
(Optional) produce small poo when countdown hits zero.
- Witness the awesome firepower of a fully armed @furball firing 50 cal ammunition into Brewdog board members . Breath huge sigh of relief when machine self-destructs, @ant and the technicians emerging from the wreckage.
“The logs are garbage”, says one. What the fuck does “Targeting Error: Unresolvable shirt mean?”
Seize power at Brewdog after finding compromising material on executives and chief investors from assorted devices and laptops.
Placate @ant with a high-paying position at Brewdog, acquiescing to his new found desire to “legally be able to piss into any Brewdog product I want to”, rooted in his recent ill-treatment.
Marvel as Brewdog sales rocket 60%, notch the price up 20%.
(Bonus objective) Reply to fawning hipsters that have gotten in touch to say how much better it tastes, and that the price hike is worth every penny.
Seethe as competitors riff on your ideas, producing brews like Furious Ferguson’s Faecal Throatcoater, Spurgin’ Spunk Stout and Hepatitis Beer.
Close factory doors, sack all the staff and start recruiting Oompa-Loompas.
Recruit @pap as your first Oompa-Loompa.
- Secretly needing a human sized and house-trained heir, organise a global competition involving the secretion of five golden tickets into assorted Brewdog products. Winners will get to visit the factory, and be provided with a lifetime’s* supply of new Premium Brewdog.
(* @ant 's lifetime)
- Announce the winners of the contest. They are, respectively:-
a) Shia LeBeouf
b) Emma Watson
c) Johnny Depp
d) Miley Cyrus
e) Chapel End Charlie
- Hold the visit. Weep when celebrity hipsters of note drop off one by one. LeBeouf never gets past the lobby, after finding a bag that he puts on his head. Watson storms off after seeing Cyrus manipulated by dark forces in the background. Miley Cyrus runs screaming when someone lets slip that her dad not only recorded Achy Breaky Heart, but released it too, something that the whole world had kept quiet for very understandable reasons. Acquiesce to Depp’s request to study @pap for his next role.
Scream when Depp goes method, instantly becoming an unreasonable little bastard, and Chapel End Charlie emerges as the winner and heir.
Resign as Brewdog chief when Chapel End Charlie unveils new products, “Bally Ho!” and “Establishment Pride”
Remind yourself to tell @bucks to be careful what he wishes for.
Consider getting a ticket.
Don’t anyone even think about suggesting Pap might slightly benefit from getting outside just a little more.