SDLC - Service Design Lifecycle.
The project from birth to inception…
There is a bloke on talksport right now who has released a book of replies he got from clubs after applying for managerial positions. His experience extended to managing school and youth clubs. Maybe you should give that a go, Mr T?
The Government are Paying me to stay at home!
Game set and match to me I believe. 
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We’re paying you to stay at home. Bring the vitriol!!
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Give me some credit…I was trying to sweeten a bitter pill for y’all.
That’s an attitude that will serve you well in life, Shirty.
But it might also see you move through a few usernames.
For the record, and you might not believe this, you weren’t one of the shallow bragging twats I was referring to.
You were just shallow, bragging twat collateral damage.
x
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Fuck all wrong with that - just when one has used up the last ounce of goodwill before EVERYONE thinks you are cunt, change it in the name of Charity and start over 
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Originally posted by @areloa-grandee
Fuck all wrong with that - just when one has used up the last ounce of goodwill before EVERYONE thinks you are cunt, change it in the name of Charity and start over
When are you going to start doing that?
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How many members does this member have? I’m intrigued/confused/scared/jealous.
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Software/Systems Development Life Cycle…
Honestly, you could pick up an ISEB text book and teach yourself all that in no time at all, and good enough to go in at a Junior level.
To be honest most of the BAs I’ve worked with don’t know half that shit, and I’m sure 5 9s of them wouldn’t know what the SDLC is if it smacked them in the arse…
I’ll give it a shot! Thanks for the encouragement.
Bollocks to these back-slapping tales. I’d rather talk about the mischief. This may be worth a separate thread. It may not entirely surprise regular readers of this fine forum to learn that I manage to find trouble at work.
I once had a boss that was scared of me. He towered over me (my mate described him as a fat Lex Luthor) so I don’t think it was my bonsai stance that put the frit in him. It was the cheek. The poor bugger got the job of managing me without ever having managed anyone before in his life, promoted above his station when my previous boss did the offs, and into an environment he wasn’t culturally prepared for. Add to that, it was a hugely stressful time in general.
We were quickly micro-managed by someone who had little clue about managing things or the things we did. If he was sat next to someone, he’d send an email instead of speaking to them. He really didn’t like me, never quite getting that we were all capable of working and chatting at the same time. At one point, he bunged us in a separate room, with a sign on the door saying that anyone wishing to speak to me or my coding partner had to speak to him first.
Really didn’t take me long to crack. One morning, I roll into the office, laden with caffeine and said:-
“You must be _remarkably _confident of your sexuality”
“Why’s that, Paul?”
“Well you’ve got a pink shirt on, a mauve tie and a gay anthem as your ringtone”.
Perhaps my fave was when he announced he was playing online poker.
“It’s a slippery slope, mate. Within a year, you’ll be living under a motorway bridge wearing a cardboard sign that says ‘Will wank for chips’”
I got sacked a little bit as a result. I still remember the gleam in his eye when he said “we can only offer you an extra week, Paul”.
I still remember taking that gleam off with “you can fuck your week”, beedling off to my computer to hit my hotmail account and speak to a few contacts.
Two hours later, I’d signed a new contract. Five hours later, he asks me back into his office, informing me that actually, they’ve found some money and would like to keep me on for longer. Would that be acceptable?
“Nah, it won’t. I’ve signed on with a different firm. I’ll be available in April”. It was November. I still remember the look of abject terror on his face as he realised that not only had his power play backfired, but he also had to be extra sweet to me if I was going to do any part-time work in the interim.
I went off, did the other contract, and agreed to go back in April. I even did some part time work for them. About a fortnight before I got back, he’d been shuffled off the corporate coil. Even better, we occasionally had to get him back on a contract basis, on a project I led. He worked for me thereafter
Shove the millions you’ve made for your company up your arse. That’s a real career moment.
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I once got sacked for being a prick and had signed a new contract within 1hr 58mins.
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He was hard work. Didn’t trust his team, he liked others even less than me. Completely had it in for a highly specialised, difficult to recruit component of his team. Told me that they were lazy, even though they had fuck all to do with me on a professional level. Just seemed to work with the continual assumption that people weren’t doing their jobs, and the less he understood about someone’s job, the more he thought it.
I’ve had jobs that I’ve fucked up start to finish. A waste in and of themselves, but the experience of how not to fuck up gets baked into your next endeavours. He’s moved onto other things and I’m sure that he’s met another prick just like me. Probably won’t do as much to antagonise him. Probably refined his schtick, like we all do when we do the mini-reinvention on a job change.
I’ve seen what happens when no-one speaks up. They just end up leaving, which can make life extremely difficult for firms if they suddenly have to recruit hard-to-find people all at once, when the only person left to interview replacements is the one that drove the originals away.
Sometimes a small prick doesn’t hurt 
Only once?
My career advice (and I’ve been in some rubbish paid (less than £20k jobs well into my mid 30s so I may not be the right person for this) is try and find a place with great colleagues. I’ve mainly been lucky in that respect bar a sexual harassment issue and bullying, overall I’ve worked with some very nice people. We spend so much time with our colleagues it’s worth a lot to enjoy the time you are stuck with them! I even went to Bali for a wedding of an ex colleague who is now a good friend.
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Originally posted by @Intiniki
My career advice (and I’ve been in some rubbish paid (less than £20k jobs well into my mid 30s so I may not be the right person for this) is try and find a place with great colleagues. I’ve mainly been lucky in that respect bar a sexual harassment issue and bullying overall I’ve worked with some very nice people. We spend so much time with are colleagues it’s worth a lot to enjoy the time you are stuck with them! I even went to Bali for a wedding of an ex colleague who is now a good friend.
£1.48 ph cleanin tables at DebenhamS. Got shit money but ended up with a best mate who I still see 28 years later.
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I liked my bar job that I did at Uni so much that I continued to do it for three years after graduating. It was the people, mostly. Plus ms pap and I worked there together, on opposite bars. The bar I normally worked was by far the scruffiest joint in the whole place. No music of its own, save for what piped through from ms pap’s bar. Both bars were named after political prisoners.
All the students would order what they’d call Diesel. The rest of the world would call it a snakebite and black. They’d quaff pints of this stuff. Later on in the night, when I’d amble off to the bogs, I’d find little purple patches of vom all over the tiled floors. Saturday night chunder.
Even though we were always behind the bar, it still kind of felt like a night out you didn’t have to pay for. Didn’t matter that you didn’t get drunk yourself.
Mondays were absolute carnage if you worked them. A double for a quid (all the decent spirits were swapped for their non-Union, never heard of alternatives). The state of incoherence was such that I’m fairly sure that most people broke the law about not serving people when they’re drunk. I used to mock them.
Then I went myself. Fucking all over the place. Wasn’t as judgemental thereafter.
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