I knew one day that you’d have to chose between me and your ‘wife’, but it still hurts.
The Flyd is dead, long live the Flyd.
So text n to 028 2030 xxxx.
You’re dead to me.
Eheu.
So I’ve drafted in barista 'tiki taka" Javier and his mate Matt
What a shame that the Flyd Cat has decided to never, never, never* play for us again.
*I’m from Northern Ireland.
Me + probably two
Originally posted by @Raleighboy
Me + probably two
Who are the two - Snapper Paul and the Chumpster?
So with your two, the underside of my packet of cigarettes says that we’ve got 11 maybe 12.
Unfortunately/fortunately, I have had to draft in the youth (foreign youth at that) due to injury to some of our number.
It is my unfortunate duty to announce that The Flyd Cat was tragically crushed to death yesterday under the weight of a giant thumb - RIP.
The official pre-kick-about injury list *
I wouldn’t say I’m carrying a few problems at the moment, but I woke to find a DNR sign above my bed this morning.
-
Blisters (still!)
-
Cold (man flu variety)
-
6 inch (that’s 15.24cm, ant) gash and bruise on right shin caused by a particularly feisty 7-year-old girl. EDIT - it’s only 6 inches if you measure it like the coast of Norway - otherwise it’s nearer 3 inches (that’s 76.2mm, ant).
-
Moderate hangover (Punk IPA was off in The Cricketers in Carlton Place so lived to tell the tale)
-
EDIT - very tight hamstrings and sore quads from yoga.
* Excuses made tomorrow that rely on an ‘injury’ that was not declared in the official injury list will see you declared Darren Anderton of the week.
Originally posted by @saintbletch
The official pre-kick-about injury list *
I wouldn’t say I’m carrying a few problems at the moment, but I woke to find a DNR sign above my bed this morning.
Blisters (still!)
Cold (man flu variety)
6 inch (that’s 15.24cm, ant) gash and bruise on right shin caused by a particularly feisty 7-year-old girl.
Moderate hangover (Punk IPA was off in The Cricketers in Carlton Place so lived to tell the tale)
* Excuses made tomorrow that rely on an ‘injury’ that was not declared in the official injury list will see you declared Darren Anderton of the week.
Poof.
Originally posted by @Fowllyd
Originally posted by @saintbletch
The official pre-kick-about injury list *
I wouldn’t say I’m carrying a few problems at the moment, but I woke to find a DNR sign above my bed this morning.
Blisters (still!)
Cold (man flu variety)
6 inch (that’s 15.24cm, ant) gash and bruise on right shin caused by a particularly feisty 7-year-old girl.
Moderate hangover (Punk IPA was off in The Cricketers in Carlton Place so lived to tell the tale)
* Excuses made tomorrow that rely on an ‘injury’ that was not declared in the official injury list will see you declared Darren Anderton of the week.
Poof.
RIP.
It could have been a brilliant footballing career.
P.S. I’ve added some more to the list
Better prepare yourself for a footballing zombie cat, Stench.
Now then, about this 7-year-old girl. Did you give as good as you got?
Paul + waiting on Bandana boy to recover from illness…
All I will say, Flyd, is that nobody on here would stand a chance against her.
Seriously. She’s quite, quite special.
Anyway, I can’t go into details for legal reasons, but I can confirm that her chair got a good kicking - immediately after it got a good shinning.
Gotcha.
Well if Bandanarama Leigh makes it, and with battery boy back and a couple of young ringers, we’re going to rely on all of that 100 years of experience tonight, I.
Can someone televise this pls, I’ve an idea that watching you cunts play football would be Hilarious. I will provide commentary.
It’s been done already, bear.
I remember when you used to be original.
My boss and a colleague came to watch their husbands last week (as well as the hot and fit Rooney Scores).
They recorded several videos whilst commentating on our sweaty, writhing bodies.
It’s been uploaded to a couple of specialist sites I believe.
Here’s a still from the match - me about to teach ant about slipping your man…
One of the best lines that my colleague Swartzy came out with was “Don’t adjust your sets viewers, this is the actual speed of the game”. She’s quite funny when she’s had a beer.
Anyway, if you do want to do a commentary, then it’s not going be one of those Eurosport / CH5 jobbies where the no-mark commentator watches a video feed in a commentary booth at the back of some anonymous studio in a fast-food drive-through in Birmingham.
Nope, you’re going to have to turn up to do it live.
Plus you’ll first have to negotiate to use our image rights.
That’s an old photo from when you were slim.
Re commentary, you can’t just go straight in at the top, you have to work your way up.
First jobs are calf-rubbing and blister-dressing.
ant’s tummy RIP, v sick.
Feeling a bit feeble but very much still want to play. I just might prioritise maintaining my stomach’s contents in their rightful place over relentless charging about.
Bandana boy will chip in for a mobile toilet if you want - not sure on his state today…
Full of cheese and cider and raring to go (slow) 
Heh, upwards flow so a bucket would suffice. Successfully ate lunch though. *hands in the air celebration*
So, two new recruits last night. Barista Javi and Rabona Matt which brought our number to 11 - so one rolling sub.
Matt had an excellent introduction. The Raleighboy and I looked on cynically as, with the folly of youth, he proceeded to carry out a freestyle football skills exhibition during the game - culminating in a Rabona shot at goal!
He then went and twisted himself into such a mess that in the resulting denouement, his ankle nearly went snap. As he limped away, The Raleighboy and I looked at each other with levels of schadenfreude that only truly mature over a combined 100 years of ‘experience’.
Javi was sickeningly composed on the ball, as we presumed all Spaniards are. In the bar afterwards, ant posed a deep philosophical question that got us all thinking; “Do they have shit players in Spain?”.
We imagined a sort of tall, water-carrying midfielder called Carlos Palmer, but didn’t reach a conclusion before the conversation turned all homoerotic as we discussed tattoos, Rooney Scored’s sensitive ribs and looked at ant’s deltoids and triceps.
I know you’re all concerned with my blisters so the (relatively) good news is that whilst I lost some more skin they aren’t bleeding anymore. Oh, and thanks ant for kicking the ball against the 10 inch scar on my leg. It has now gone purple and yellow - photos to follow.
Finally, as we left the bar Goatster asked if I could remember the name of the bloke that used to play on a Tuesday night. I didn’t so he described him thusly
“Old bloke, but looks about 15, wore the sort of trainers that announced that he’s happy to have his sexuality outed, drives an unSmart car, speaks Russian…”.
I replied that I didn’t as the only person I knew that met that description is dead to me.
Oh, and Raleighboy scored about 20. Seriously.
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