😆 When I Saw This I Laughed Or At Least I Smiled Or At Least I Wasn't Bored

Good morning chaps. Something for the weekend. All true facts.
My favourite is number 9.

  1. In the 1400s a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb.

Hence we have ‘the rule of thumb.’

  1. Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only…

Ladies Forbidden’… and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

  1. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:

Spades - King David,

Hearts - Charlemagne,

Clubs -Alexander the Great,

Diamonds - Julius Caesar

  1. In Shakespeare’s time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase… ‘goodnight, sleep tight.’

  2. It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride’s father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink.

Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

  1. In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts…

So in old England , when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them ‘Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.’

It’s where we get the phrase ‘mind your P’s and Q’s’

  1. Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim or handle of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service.

‘Wet your whistle’ is the phrase inspired by this practice.

  1. In 1696, William III of England introduced a property tax that required those living in houses with more than six windows to pay a levy. In order to avoid the tax, house owners would brick up all windows except six. (The Window Tax lasted until 1851, and older houses with bricked-up windows are still a common sight in the U.K.) As the bricked-up windows prevented some rooms from receiving any sunlight, the tax was referred to as “daylight robbery”!

  2. Since 1962, Spurs fans have said they are going to win the league at the start of every football season, hence the phrase ‘deluded twat’.

The End.

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Mrs S has quickly pointed out that she had not previously known that Iron Woman is a superhero.

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Apologies, it goes on a bit. Stolen via Arsebook apparently …

Ordering a Pizza in 2022

CALLER:
Is this Pizza Hut?

GOOGLE:
No sir, it’s Google Pizza.

CALLER:
I must have dialed a wrong number, sorry.

GOOGLE:
No sir, Google bought Pizza Hut last month.

CALLER:
OK. I would like to order a pizza.

GOOGLE:
Do you want your usual, sir?

CALLER:
My usual? You know me?

GOOGLE:
According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.

CALLER:
Super! That’s what I’ll have.

GOOGLE:
May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?

CALLER:
What? I don’t want a vegetarian pizza!

GOOGLE:
Your cholesterol is not good, sir.

CALLER:
How the hell do you know that?

GOOGLE:
Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.

CALLER:
Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetarian pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.

GOOGLE:
Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you purchased only a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once at Lloyds Pharmacy, 4 months ago.

CALLER:
I bought more from another Pharmacy.

GOOGLE:
That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.

CALLER:
I paid in cash.

GOOGLE:
But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.

CALLER:
I have other sources of cash.

GOOGLE:
That doesn’t show on your latest tax returns, unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law!

CALLER:
WHAT THE HELL!

GOOGLE:
I’m sorry sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.

CALLER:
Enough already! I’m sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I’m going to an island without the internet, TV, where there is no phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.

GOOGLE:
I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago…

Welcome to the future :robot:

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I get Dilbert emailed to me everyday, they have adverts at the top of the email, this is their recent advert, I find it quite scary…

Lol

“The pocket knife is a staple of a man’s everyday carry arsenal. It’s quite possibly the most important piece, especially for guys who spend a majority of the day tackling cutting jobs”

Well no fucking shit

I was considering posting a picture of my collection but i don’t want you all to think I’m weird.

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Ummmmm…how do we let you down gently?

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I found a Swiss Army knife last summer…I carry it everywhere…especially as I’m a vulnerable pensioner. You never know when you might get tangled up in bramble…if you know what I mean. :sunglasses:

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Weirder, surely?

:wink:

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Whatever you do don’t tell them about your subscription to Which? magazine (cable tie edition).

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