That’s happened to me climbing over a barbed wire fence. 
BBC News - Cheeky boar leaves nudist grunting in laptop chase
Had to be in Germany, didn’t it.
So Geordie fans take the moral high ground… 
Cracking weather so Im off to France with my wife and kids to canoe back to the UK to be picked up by border force and placed in a 4*hotel for a weeks holiday. 
Don’t you bloody start…Lady Slowlane has been on about this all day. The only way I can placate her is to tell her now we’ll be able to reopen the East Wing with the cheap labour.
Things you never expected to see on Twitter
Kylie & Bumble bantz
I read that as “fumble in Kylie’s pants”
The disappointment is deep
Some strange buggers up in carrot cruncher neck of the woods, with some interesting hobbies. What say you Saint-CD?
Not as unusual as you might think. Google Jeff Mitchell Tailpipe Man… 
Tractor ploughing now conjures up a slightly different image.
Aah, is that the guy who had sex with a Princess and burnt his balls on the exhaust pipe?
He is. 
He’s also the only guy in the world who’ll say “the exhaust is fucked” and mean it literally.
I don’t know why I laughed at this…