The gift that keeps giving.
Dipper starts petition to get Messi banned for 2nd leg thanks to an out of focus picture
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āIām only a poor little scouser,
Messi keeps on picking on meā¦
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^^^^^ Hilarious. 
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After reading the brochure? One would think they would have read up on it first, then them damn Satanists wouldnāt trouble them 
Who doesnāt Google the hell out of any possible hotel you think of booking?
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I know. I only ever stay in hotels with a long and proud tradition of Satanism. If they donāt offer a breakfast of eternal damnation, Iām out.
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An interesting if long read
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hahaha! This is fucking harsh
āāMaureen Wilcox bought tickets for the Massachusetts and Rhode Island lotteries. Rather infuriatingly, her Massachusetts numbers won the Rhode Island lottery and her Rhode Island numbers won the Massachusetts one.āā
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My best coincidence type thing was bumping into my sister on a tube carriage. We were heading to meet in Camden. Me from Southampton and her from Turnham Green. I was looking around the carriage and saw some trainers that looked like hers. Then checked who was wearing them and they were hers.
We have a lottery syndicate. We won a bit last night. We have 5 lines. We got all numbers over 3 lines. Ffs.
At college me and another lad talked about doing a holiday in Ibiza as we had similar taste in music and wanted to see all the major clubs, I left the course a year early and we lost contact. 3 years later Iām in Ibiza raving my tits off at Amnesia (I think the club capacity then was about 3000) when I whack my elbow into someoneās back, I turn round to apologise and it was my mate from college.
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Waiting to board at Colombo airport.
Bloke whacks me on back of head with a backpack.
Old schoolmate
Standing in a queue for a Geyhound Bus to San Francisco got talking to a couple of English guys. They asked where I came from.
I said, āSouthamptonā.
Ah they said, āwe come from Winchester but we work in Southampton on a Wednesday nightā
āOh reallyā¦where do you workā I replied.
āThe Mountbatten Theatre, for The Southampton Film Theatre Clubā
āIām a member of thatā
āDid you go to the film 3 weeks ago, Robert Altmanās Custer and The West?ā they asked.
āYes I didā
He said, āthen we have met beforeā¦I sold you the ticketā¦and Dave took your ticket at the doorā
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In Thatchers bar Dubai having a meal when after going for a piss hear my name called out across the bar. An old school mate who was in the navy in HMS Southampton when it got in a collision with a container ship and they were all going home. ended up on the piss with the navy in Pancho Villaās using the companyās AmEx card for the bill ( I got told off for that one 
)
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He aināt no help to him!