Got home to find bile dog vomit on the floor today. This only ever happens when the dog has not been fed. The dog only ever not gets fed when the cat eats her food. The missus reprimanded the pooch.
“Why are you letting that little bastard eat your food?”, pointing at the smug feline perched on the arm of the sofa. “The little fucker is that fucking fat that I’m surprised he got up there. He’s like Jabba the fucking cat”.
The Flower Roads taught my missus to swear properly. She came pre-loaded with Star Wars references.
I’m shocked my cousins grew up in Violet Road in the '50s and none of them swear like that.
Goodness the place has gone swiftly south since they left.
Yoof of today eh, @lifeintheslowlane
Bring back conscription, birching and public flogging, that’ll sort ‘em…
I laughed at the cars not the end:
correct I like all races
What, like formula 1 or the 1500m?
Mr Jones, an elderly farmer, received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees the statutory minimum wage and they would send an inspector to interview them.
On the appointed day, the inspector turned up. “Tell me about your staff,” he asked .
“Well,” said the farmer, “there’s the farm hand, I pay him £220 a week, and he has a free cottage.”
“Then there’s the housekeeper. She gets £200 a week, along with free board and lodging.”
“There’s also the half-wit. He works a 16 hour day, does 90% of the work, earns about £25 a week along with a bottle of whisky and, as a special treat, occasionally gets to sleep with my wife.”
“That’s disgraceful” said the inspector, “I need to interview the half-wit.”
“That’ll be me then,” said Mr Jones